Week 1 Behind the Lens

If you didn't read my last post, I'm trying to challenge myself this month to A) Be more intentionally creative in the everyday B) Take my camera along more often for pictures, rather than just using my phone and C) Blog once a week.

So, the end of week 1 rolled around, and I'm improving but not doing so hot with the whole thing. Last week was an insane week of emotions, not all of which can be expressed through the camera lens. I tried a little bit, but there will be another post coming soon with all of that!

So, here, without much ado, are the photos for March 1-7! Sadly, though I took a picture each day, they were sometimes with my phone. Also sadly, it is now March 11, so I'm a little behind on this first post...Better luck next time.

March 1 - Icicles on our roof after more of our crazy weather.

March 2 - Sweet baby Seh fell asleep clutching my thumb. Love those precious moments with her.

March 3 - A beautiful day to enjoy the Botanic Gardens for free with my loves. Reminded me of the changing of the seasons and how God is nurturing and growing life even when all appears dead.

March 4 - God has provided, unexpectedly and abundantly, once again. What a reminder of his faithfulness on a dark day.

March 5 - The day Adrian got "the call." We were thrilled...and humbled...and awestruck...and weepy. SO many emotions in the span of an hour.

March 6 - We were like two tired, grumpy gorillas at the zoo. Thankful the Gospel allows us to reconcile with one another.

March 7 - After a busy, exhausting, bursting-with-emotions kind of week, enjoying some silly downtime with my girl.

So, there's the first week. Like I said - I failed much of the time to stick to using my camera, but I'm hoping this month will challenge me to look at things a little differently, more creatively and more mindfully of God's goodness in our lives.

Stay tuned over the next couple of days for our big news!

Returning to Awe

 When I was little, I used to have an imagination.

I was the kid creating elaborate story lines out of the lives of my stuffed animals and Barbies -– stories that had nothing to do with Ken or Barbie's clothes or vehicle choices. I had two guinea pigs (not concurrently) and I remember building intricate cardboard castles for them to live in and chew their way out of. I used to write fiction stories and submit them to young adult magazines for publication. Clearly, I was a nerd, but I was an imaginative, happy nerd, full of naïveté.

I don't know when I lost that imagination and that dreamer gaze. By the time I was in high school, I had focused more on the tangible and what I could see and touch and experience. The world is an enormous, beautiful, interesting place and the people God has filled it with, even more fascinating. I shifted my focus from what was in my head to what was in front of my eyes. 

In some ways, I think it has been a good shift. I've never really dealt well in abstractions and uncertainties, and I appreciate the concrete and the genuine. The change of focus and waning of my imagination has led me to see more clearly what is happening in the world around me and to spend less time in my own head. It has challenged me to dig deep to look for the beauty that God has already placed there. It has encouraged me to be more aware of the world and the people in it. 

In some ways, it has made me a cynic. If I can't see and experience it for myself, it doesn't have worth to me. It has made me less empathetic, for when people begin talking about dreams and hopes, with no concrete backing, I zone out. I'm finding myself more jaded and only aware of beauty when it slaps me in the face. I've gotten lazy at looking for the preciousness in life.

Compared to the exciting, exotic life I imagined as a child, my life now is pretty mundane. I don't travel frequently. I don't eat new cuisines or at new restaurants. Strangers kind of scare me, so I don't meet many new people or push myself to learn their stories. In a lot of ways, though my head acknowledges that this world is enormous, beautiful and interesting, I have stopped looking for the beauty in the ordinary. My enthusiasm for life, for the gospel, for the gloriousness of Christ has grown dim and dull, and I'm ready for a change.

My heart yearns to be swept up in beauty. I yearn to create again and mimic the Author of Life and Creator. I honestly don't know what that will look like. I'm spitballing here. 

This next month has some opportunities for photo shoots on the horizon, so I will hopefully be able to get some imaginative, creative juices flowing with those. I want to blog more, to write and express my heart. It doesn't have to be a big change though, as what I want to recapture is a sense of wonder in the everyday, extraordinary moments. One thought I've had is that this month, rather than trying to Instagram a photo challenge someone else has created, is just to take a picture of something that points me back to the Creator everyday. It doesn't have to be monumental – just something that reminds me of the goodness and wonder and mystery and beauty of God. Maybe I'll blog each week a recap of that week's photos. And as an added challenge, I'm going to try and use my camera, not just my phone.

Am I alone in this desire to create and behold and return to a childlike sense of wonder? If I am, in fact, not alone (as I suspect), how do you challenge yourself to see the beauty in the life God has given you, right where you are?

6 Months of Selah

Selah celebrated her 1/2 birthday the other day. I'm pretty sure she didn't even know she was celebrating, but alas, it happened! She is now a 6-month old and is closer to a 1-year old than a brand-new baby. C-R-A-Z-Y.

Selah at 6-months

 It seems like just a couple of weeks ago that I posted her 5-month update, so there's not a ton new to tell. At her check-up, she weighed in at 17 lbs, 5 oz., (73%) and 27.25 in long (95%). Still a long, tall Sally! She is fitting more comfortably in 9-month clothes than in 6-month clothes, due to her long torso and long legs. She's using those long legs more and more. She LOVES to stand holding onto our legs or hands for support and she will happily bounce for as long as we let her (or as long as her stomach holds out). She does this cute little bounce when I'm carrying her over my shoulder where she uses her arms to pull up and kicks against me to go up and down and up and down and up and down. She also does the bounce when she's laying across us on her stomach. Girl likes to move, and I would not be surprised by crawling at any point.

Speaking of cute things, there are a couple of cute new developments in her repertoire. She has begun sounding out more things, usually "buh" and "mah" sounds. We're trying to teach her to say "Benny" and "Mama" when she's making those noises, but she usually just laughs at us :) Often times it results in her just blowing bubbles and spitting a lot.

Even within the last few days, she has developed a new facial expression that I LOVE. She crinkles up her nose and smiles really big with her mouth wide open. It's maybe a pantomime of our open-mouthed, eyebrows-up face we both do all the time, but Seh has picked up on it and it's so adorable. Still no teeth visible, so for now it's a lovely toothless grin.

This month has brought lots of visits to the zoo, where Selah loves to watch the tigers play, the monkeys hop around and the komodo dragon stick its tongue out. It's actually been as interesting to watch the animals' reactions to her as her reactions to the animals.

She still nurses like a champ and eats 5 times a day, with her nightly bottle up to 9 ounces and occasionally a little extra nursing on top of that. It seems to have helped her settled back into a 11-12 hour sleep pattern!! She goes to sleep by 10:30 pm and sometimes wakes up to play by herself in her crib between 8:30-9 am, but then goes back to sleep until 10:30 when she eats. She is still sleeping swaddled at night, but we're transitioning her out of it by leaving one arm out during naptimes. We've found she frequently rolls over and grabs the bars of the crib when one arm is out though, so his mom bought a breathable liner that I just installed. She got so tuckered out waiting for me to finish that she just put her own pacifier in and went to sleep, no swaddle at all. That's a win!
We need to start her on solids, so we have some rice cereal to try out, but I'm not going to lie - I really am not gung-ho on having her do solids anytime soon. It's so much easier to just nurse her or take a bottle, rather than have to prepare other foods for her. The doctor said she can eat a little of what we eat, mashed up of course, but something about putting bagels and pizza near her doesn't sound wise or healthy :/ I know she gets my diet anyways, but it sure seems different when it's straight up crap without my body filtering it!

Selah is such a delight and joy to us. Adrian's mom is in town and gave us a date night the other night and even though we thoroughly enjoyed and needed the time away as a couple, we both admitted we missed her after a couple hours. Not sure how WE'LL handle a long anniversary trip away this fall! Kidding. Kind of. Beaches and no schedule could make it worth the separation ;) We're so looking forward to all the little milestones yet to come, but we're truly loving this stage she's in right now. She is so fun and such a blessing to us all (except Ben. He's still scared of her).

Anyways, hopefully I'll be able to post about some other stuff going on in our life soon, other than just the joy of Selah!

Selah's 5-month update

Here is a horrifying scientific fact: 5 months is almost 6 months, which is half a year. This is especially horrifying to me today because as I write this, Selah is not only 5 months old, she is 5 months and 10 days old (thanks procrastination), meaning she is closer to half a year old than ever before. GULP. I am not ready for her to grow up!!

Christmas Eve

This last month with her has been truly interesting. In it, she experienced Christmas, New Year's Eve, a visit from my parents, a visit with Adrian's parents in Wyoming and much more. She rolls over like a champ most of the time now, can almost sit up on her own, and has developed SO much personality.

 We spent a couple of weeks in Wyoming, and while we were there, I really felt like she turned into a child with oodles of personality! It was more than a little scary and I confess - I kind of feel like I don't know her as well anymore. Maybe it was just that she suddenly developed these funny habits that I didn't expect, but she's kind of a different child these days.

For example, she LOVES to be upside down. I mean seriously loves it. It started with her pushing herself backwards off the Boppy with her strong little legs, until her head is hanging over the edge of the pillow and she can see from a new perspective. She also thoroughly loves it when Adrian grabs her by the ankles and holds her up in the air. She arches her back so she can see him and the ground and smiles and coos.

I also have a feeling Seh is going to be mobile much quicker than I'll be ready for. She already scoots herself around in circles with her legs when she wants to. One night during her last bottle, she pushed herself off the Boppy (headfirst) and ended up about 4 feet away on the bed, just scooting on her back. She stands up for several minutes at a time, as long as we hold onto her hands.

Her sleep is so-so. She doesn't wake up to eat, but she's not sleeping solidly through the night either, like she used to. She'll wake up and have her arms stuck halfway out of her swaddle or wake when she wants her pacifier back in. So, we're currently trying to get her transitioned out of the SwaddleMes that she sleeps in. It's been rough going, but she is slowly getting the hang of it. I'm going to try a Snooze Sack when it gets out of the landry. A few nights ago we also moved her bedtime up an hour. This means last bottle at 9:15, and bed around 10. Glory be - she still sleeps till 10 or 10:30! Maybe that means if want her day to start at 9:30, she should go to bed even earlier?

It's been a rough month with her sleeping less well and being more fussy. I know I keep saying it, but I seriously think she's teething. She loooooves her Sophie Giraffe that Grammy and Papa Don got her for Christmas, and freaks out if she drops it. She has also had a couple of "Mama only" meltdowns - once when Adrian wanted to play with her and then Monday night when we had a bunch of people over for his birthday. That was fun :/

Speaking of fun, her vocal range is hilarious. She has ramped up with even more screeches and squawks in (nicknaming her Pterodactyl and Screech), has continued gurgling and cooing, and has added in blowing bubbles and making tooting noises with her mouth. It started really cutely with her cooing and smacking her lips together, then she began spitting every time she did it, and now she just spits a lot and tries desperately to blow bubbles. This, naturally, leads to lots and lots of soaked clothing. She is still in some 3-month stuff if it's long enough, but mostly in 3-6 month and regular old 6-month stuff. Length is the key!

Though she's more mobile, more fussy, more tiresome and more stubborn - she is still a fantastic baby. She rocks at her daytime schedule, is SO smiley the majority of the time and is truly a joy to have around. We love, love, love, love her, so much.

5 months old!!

The Passing of Time

Over the last month, I have had several times where I thought I should blog, usually about the passing of time and the new experiences and goals it brings with it.

For example, Selah turned 4-months old last month. Right around the time she hit that milestone, she began rolling over (not always, but she definitely can) and stopped sleeping solidly through the night. I freaked about a 4-month sleep regression and Adrian told me to calm the heck down. Long story short, we dropped a nap and added a feeding and she's back to generally sleeping through the night, with wake-ups to be reswaddled and have her pacifier put back in. I've had every intention since my surgery of getting her on a slightly modified schedule from where she's at, but with each night that she doesn't go back to 11 hours solidly, I get wary of messing with anything. We do not do well without sleep.Anyways, her 4-month appointment brought good news of her health! She's doing great, gaining weight well, has super head control and looks really good. She was 14 lbs, 11 ounces and 25.75 inches long, aka, still long and skinny, but fully within the healthy range.

Four months old!

Also, I turned 29 recently (ah, yes, I blogged that morning :) ). Following in the footsteps of my friends Erin and Lindsay, I thought about doing a "30 by 30" kind of post, with 30 goals I have before I hit the big 3-0 next December. However, as Adrian and I drove around and I bounced my goals off of him, I couldn't figure out 30 to write about.

There's my desire to get my nose pierced. I wanted to do it just for quitting my job and no longer being in the corporate world, but A said I should have a better reason. So my motivation became to lose 15 pounds and then get my nose pierced. So there's 2 goals. I figure I can work on losing 15 pounds (which, as of last weekend, I was down 4, probably from puking a lot Saturday) by trying to run a 5k. So, 3 goals. I want to go on a banging anniversary trip with Adrian in October, but that is complicated by the fact that I would also like to be pregnant again by my next birthday. Sooo, another baby or an all-inclusive vacation? Goals #4 and #5, which may or may not be mutually exclusive.

In no particular order, here are the goals I have thus far:
1. Get my nose pierced.
2. Lose 15 pounds.
3. Run a 5k.
4. Have a fantastic 5-year anniversary trip.
5. Get pregnant.
6. Go skiing at least 2x this season.
7. Get our family healthier.
8. Go to a concert at Red Rocks.
9. Get paid to take some pictures.
10. Decorate our bedroom and make it cozy.
11. Be a confident and frequent baby-wearer.
12. Family beach trip.
13. Buy a new computer.
14. Read my Bible more diligently.
15. Go to a Rockies game as a family.
16. Cook 5 nights a week most weeks.
17. Get a kitten or puppy :)
18. Develop a weekly housecleaning schedule.
19. Do some crafts I've been delaying (i.e., wall art for our bedroom).
20. Find a couple of local beers I actually like.
21. Go paddle boarding this summer.
22. Eat at some of the local, legit Hispanic restaurants in our neighborhood.
23. Work up to walking to the zoo regularly to use my zoo pass.
24. Get a library card and use it.
25. Get my hair cut more than once this year.
26. Try a new restaurant during Restaurant Week.
27. Have a veggie garden again this summer, and actually harvest and eat the produce.
28. Go for a hike.
29. Eat at Civic Center Eats this summer.
30. Go to Jazz in the Park once.

So, there ya have it. Selah's 4-month update and my 30 by 30 goals. Since almost a month has passed, I feel like I should post my progress, but sadly, I'm not exactly notably progressing. 4 pounds down and once to the zoo so far...So, here's to a year of getting stuff done in 2014!

Birthday Rant

So, today is my birthday. I don't know what the next 12 hours will look like, but the first 10 have not been super.

Our normally-great-sleeper Selah woke up 3 times before 6 am. When she wakes up and I have to go in and re swaddle or whatever, I don't fall back asleep easily. Last night, this problem was compounded by the fact that my idiot psychotic dog (who yesterday consumed an entire bag of trash filled with raw chicken containers, raw beef containers, zucchini casserole, moldy bread buns, dirty diapers, rotten asparagus and 1,000 paper towels), spent the entire night farting so much that our room still reeks of him, hours after he's been out. It's hard to go to sleep with that stench in your nostrils.

Speaking of Ben, he is currently in the backyard going nuts at a squirrel, where he has been barking shrilly for the last 30 minutes. Some times I cannot stand him.

After I finally fell back asleep with Selah cuddled up next to me, I woke up to a nightmare that I was forced to go back to work today with the baby, got in a fight with my boss and slapped her. In a battle of alarm clock vs. nightmare to wake to on your birthday - alarm clock wins.

So, while I wanted to do something inspiring and uplifting on the blog for my birthday (30 by 30?), I really just needed to vent and say "29, so far you suck."

On Quitting

So, I quit my job last week.

For those of you who know us and our life lately, it shouldn’t have been a surprise. When we found out we were pregnant, we began discussing life after baby and what it would look like. We knew I’d likely be going back into the workforce after my maternity leave, at least for a little while, but were praying God would open a door for Adrian to have a FT position so it would be a seamless transition to me staying home.

Well, it has not been seamless. A couple weeks before Selah was born, things at the office started to get really weird and crappy. Disciplinary action, threats of being fired, hostile attitudes from people I had been close with…all very disconcerting. So while I was out on my leave, I knew I just wanted to be done with it all. Adrian reminded me time and time again that my first response when things get hard is ALWAYS flight. I am not a fighter. I avoid conflict like the plague and try and run at the first chance I get. So when my maternity leave ended, there was much weeping and fighting and gnashing of teeth. I did NOT want to go back.

But, go back I did and things had not improved. There was still much reticence on my part to be there and much hostility on their part that I was there. The only thing that had changed was finding out that I would need surgery ASAP. So, we booked my surgery for October 30 and during those 5 weeks I was back at work, I tried to work well and love people well. It wasn’t easy, but I finally hit a point when it clicked that I wasn’t going to get the approval of my bosses, and I didn’t care. I wanted to do a good job for them, but it shouldn’t wreck my day when they didn’t speak to me at all. The only approval I should be seeking was the Lord’s, and when I knew I was providing for my family and trying to model Christ at the office, it was suddenly OK to be there.

Right before my surgery, Adrian and I spent a great deal of time praying and talking about the future. I would have 4 weeks to recover and afterwards, we decided I would turn in my two-weeks notice, regardless of whether or not Adrian had a FT job. We believed that in the current state of things, I wasn’t able to do the things God had called me to because of my stress about the job. It was Ashford all over again – tears all the time. We weren’t even close to thriving as a family – merely surviving. We decided together that me quitting would be a step of faith and a way to begin to reverse engineer our lives so we could all thrive and not just survive.

As my surgery leave drew to a close, the Lord began to orchestrate things to work out even better than we anticipated. It hasn’t been rosy or easy, stepping out and leaving the workforce and a full-time income. It hasn’t been a cause and effect of, “If I quit, God will give Adrian a job.” The beautiful thing is though, it’s OK. We’re finally at a place we believe God has called us to be. I’ve been home with Seh for a week and a half now and it’s not easy, but it’s SO GOOD.

We’ve been able to have people over for discipleship, host 23 people for Thanksgiving, get the house feeling like a home and spend a lot of time together as a family. Everything may change drastically in the coming months, and I’m trying to truly cherish this time we have together, even though it’s uncertain and often unstructured.

One thing I’m working on as I develop a routine and life outside of the structured workforce is building my own business. I know every mom with a camera fancies herself a photographer, but I’m trying to begin gaining experience again so that I can someday charge and help provide for our family in that way. So, that said, I did a photo shoot with our good friends the Turneys recently and would love for you to take a look and give me any feedback! Better yet, if you like it at all, I’d love to do a FREE photo shoot for you! Again, just trying to build a portfolio again. Take a gander over at www.SelahVPhotography.wordpress.com (the name came before the baby!) and let me know if I can do any shots for y’all!