2014 in Review

The other night, I was looking for an old blog post on one of my old blogs. It was ASTONISHING to me to see how prolific my posting was at that stage of my life. Truly amazing. I had that much time? And that many thoughts of my own? And that much time?! It made me nostalgic for the days I was bursting with something to say that didn't revolve around nap schedules, or illnesses, or grumpiness about something in my life.

A friend recently told me she wants me to start posting more. I can't promise how frequently I'll find time to sit down and write, especially because of some changes over the last year that make me more circumspect in how much I share, but I'll try. I'll try to update more than once every few months.

So, in that spirit, here is a brief update on some of my goals I wanted to hit before I turned 30, as well as some highlights from the last few months.

1. Get my nose pierced. - Didn't happen because I didn't quite hit goal weight.
2. Lose 15 pounds. - I lost 13. I was within 2 pounds when I got pregnant.
3. Run a 5k. - Definitely did not. I walked 4+ miles once!
4. Have a fantastic 5-year anniversary trip. - Accomplished! We went to Puerto Vallarta, and it was wonderful.
5. Get pregnant. - Check :)
6. Go skiing at least 2x this season. - Fail. I still have yet to ski since becoming a Colorado resident.
7. Get our family healthier. - Check. One sick visit for Seh and none for Adrian or I. Thanks to the oils, we're able to manage most bugs at home and knock them out quickly.
8. Go to a concert at Red Rocks. - Did not :(
9. Get paid to take some pictures. - YES!! I shot 3 weddings this summer and officially launched my wedding photography business.
10. Decorate our bedroom and make it cozy. - Check. I painted this summer, got new bedding and got new nightstands.
11. Be a confident and frequent baby-wearer. - Notsomuch. I wore Seh a little, but just got a Mei Tei to start practicing with for #2.
12. Family beach trip. - Nope. Hoping for August/September 2015.
13. Buy a new computer. - Check. This was a must-have when my old Macbook crashed.
14. Read my Bible more diligently. - I suck at this.
15. Go to a Rockies game as a family. - We actually did a couple! First time was RIGHT behind the visitor's dugout. Fantastic seats, but a little nerve-wracking with a baby!
16. Cook 5 nights a week most weeks. - I'd say "check." We've been eating out less in the evenings.
17. Get a kitten or puppy :) - Many tears over this, but no. A says maybe this time next year.
18. Develop a weekly housecleaning schedule. - Check. I don't stick to it, but I have one!
19. Do some crafts I've been delaying (i.e., wall art for our bedroom). - Check. Now to HANG said wall art.
20. Find a couple of local beers I actually like. - Check. There was a pumpkin one I loved and I LOVED the smell of 43 Elbows at Rock Bottom. Now to try it when I'm not with child!
21. Go paddle boarding this summer. - Check! I tried at a river festival and it was really fun!
22. Eat at some of the local, legit Hispanic restaurants in our neighborhood. - Sadly, no.
23. Work up to walking to the zoo regularly to use my zoo pass. - I walked to the zoo once. So, check? I did go to the zoo a bunch.
24. Get a library card and use it. - Check! And we usually walk to the library.
25. Get my hair cut more than once this year. - Fail. I think I got it cut once.
26. Try a new restaurant during Restaurant Week. - Double fail since they did 2 restaurant weeks.
27. Have a veggie garden again this summer, and actually harvest and eat the produce. - Check. We ate peppers, basil, kale, and chives!
28. Go for a hike. - Check? We went up to Boulder Canyon, which was part hike/part stroller derby.
29. Eat at Civic Center Eats this summer. - Fail :(
30. Go to Jazz in the Park once. - Fail :(

So there ya go. Some accomplished, some not. The last few weeks have been full of a lot of wallowing (on my part) about turning 30, the holidays coming and going in ways I didn't expect and the passage of another year. However, as I look back over the goals I set for 2014, I'm pretty proud of where we ended up. The year started with so much uncertainty, but we did some big things along the way. A started a new career, I began staying at home and working on building two businesses, we hosted ALL of our family here over Christmas, our daughter is growing well and is a joy and delight, we have another baby on the way, we began paying on debts and we began to develop some structures and stability in our life.

Of course, 2015 will bring with it new challenges, new decisions for our family, new joys and new growth. I'd be lying if I said I was excited about all the new year has in store, but honestly, I'm a little trepidatious. So, for today, I'll snuggle in, enjoy the snow outside, continue listening to Christmas music, make some candies, snacks and dips, and try to truly live in the moment and enjoy this last day of 2014.

Merry Christmas, y'all, and happy new year!

So Long, Sweet Splash

I'm so sad to share that my sweet little Splasher Dasher passed away this evening. I've had her more than eight years. She's been with me the longest of my little family. Before Selah, before Adrian, before Ben....there was Splash.

As I looked for photos of her, it allowed me to reflect on what a full life she's had - especially for a turtle!

Spring of my junior year, my friend Jason took me canoeing during a fraternity party called Splash. While we floated the river, I decided I wanted a turtle and I grabbed a baby one off a log - enter Splash. I knew nothing of caring for a turtle, figuring out what sex it was or even what breed. That day began a new adventure for me - turtle husbandry.

She lived in my dorm room closet for a year and a half - successfully, hiding from the RAs during room checks and surviving in a rubbermaid tub. After graduation, she got a (boy)friend and a lovely real tank. She was living the high life.

Things got busy though, moves happened, and Splash went with me through it all. From Jackson, TN to Maryville; from Wake Forest, NC to Denver. She always went with me in her trusty bucket. She was quite the escape artist. Some days I'd come home from work to find her having launched herself from her tank to the floor to play with the dog. On the move to Denver, she climbed out of the trusty bucket and up the screened-in porch of my aunt's house. Later that same day, she again escaped from the bucket and waited for us underneath the car that would take her to Denver.

She set up shop in Denver in the living room where she could watch the snow fall on the train tracks. When we bought a house, she and Scooter got a room of their own, full of sunshine. Out of the two turtles, Splash (who was wild-caught) never could catch a minnow to eat, but always chased them as if to make friends. Make friends she did. She has always been willing to stick her neck out and greet people, to eat from our fingers and to live in our dining room so I could nurse her to health.

A few months back, she had a bacterial infection that required me to give her oral medication twice daily. Although she didn't love it, she's the only turtle I know of who would let me open her mouth. I thought she was back to herself months ago after the vet gave her a clean bill of health, so when Adrian came home tonight to find her gone, it was unexpevted. No excited swimming, no nibbling from our hand.

Splash was full of personality. She was a turtle yes, a pet, but a family member. We both are seriously going to miss her, but I'm so thankful I had her with me for the last 8 years. I'm glad I grabbed her off that log, glad I didn't let her go into the wild like people suggested, glad she was my turty friend.

Splashy, you will be so missed.

Cookie Butter and Survival

There's a difference between knowing something and KNOWING something, amiright? Like, knowing cocoa cookie butter is bad for my figure and KNOWING it is after eating two jars and stepping on the scale. Obviously we're talking hypothetically here.

Before Seh was born, I knew I'd have rough days as a mom. Tonight, I KNOW rough days as a mom are a reality, but it doesn't make the feelings any less shocking. It's just been one of those days. Some days I feel like I'm kicking butt and rocking this stay-at-home mom gig. Those are the days when I shower and brush my teeth before 5; when we get dressed up cute and hang out with people or Selah charms the Chick-Fil-A employees; when I make money for our family instead of just spend it. Those days I feel like I'm making wise choices, raising an amazing little girl and really figuring life out.

Today was not one of those days. It was one of THOSE days. The days where I look back and think, "What did I do productive today? Why don't I have anything to show for my day?" Even worse, I'm thinking, "How did things regress so far in a day?" (Things just autocorrected to thighs. Yes, yes those regressed too, today, thank you cookie butter.) It was one of those days where I truly felt like I was just trying to survive until the end of the night. That's a sucky feeling.

My normally happy-go-lucky little was a little whiny headache today. She pitched fits when I held her, didn't hold her, fed her, didn't feed her, looked at her, didn't look at her...you get the idea. Then, she pitched fits because she banged her head pitching a fit. The one comical thing was that by about 5 o'clock she learned to pitch her fits somewhere where there was a soft spot for her head - on a blanket in the basement, against the back of the couch... There was very little time spent smiling and playing and entirely too much spent screaming and throwing her head back. There was also entirely too much time spent researching car seats (that don't fit) and anniversary spots (that don't work), for me to feel good about how my time has been spent. 

#firstworldproblems and #peoplewouldkillformylife

Yes, I know. And yet, it doesn't make the discouragement from having "one of those days" any less. Why is that? Is it because I place my value and identity on shaky foundations? How cute my daughter is, how well she behaves, how clever I am, how perfect I orchestrate things? Is it because I lose sight of who I am in Christ and the hope that he's called me to? I'm finding it far too easy to skate along on my parenting skills, my accomplishments, my wisdom. Today was a good reminder that those things don't count for crap. All that I can count on are God's perfect parenting example, Christ's accomplishments for us on the cross and the Holy Spirit's wisdom which he graciously imparts to me. 

Life is hard work. I was going to say parenting is hard work (and it is), but truly, life in every stage is difficult. Regardless of having kids, not having kids, having a spouse, not having a spouse, having a tough job, not having any job....there are ALWAYS "those days." The sooner I'm able to see that as a product of our fallen world, and less an indictment on myself, the sooner I can look to Christ for satisfaction and identity and not to my accomplishments, the better "those days" will become...and the better my thighs will fare!

A Year of Joy

Sometimes, in the middle of big life events, you feel the time pass second by second. It drags on and on and on, as if you were aware of the passage of every single second.

This is not one of those life events.

Engagement - six months, passed at a normal rate of speed. Pregnancy - nine months, passed at the speed of a snail. Selah's first year of life - twelve months, passed at supersonic speed.

I cannot seem to wrap my mind around the fact that a year ago, I was pushing and sweating and thinking I was about to meet my son. We chose not to find out gender beforehand, but I was SO SURE that when Adrian laid the baby on my chest, he would tell me, "It's a boy!" How wrong I was. How wrong, and how totally unprepared for the blessing of a baby girl.

After waffling back and forth for a day, trying to decide on a name, we named our tiny, skinny, long little lady Selah Grace. Literally, "Pause and reflect on God's grace." In the midst of the hospital busyness, the hectic-ness of trying to coordinate information and plans and details with everyone, the chaos of life with a newborn that became our new norm - we chose to pause and reflect on God's grace.

In the months since, life has only become more busy. There is Selah's schedule; there is A's work schedule; there is my "schedule" which is usually dependent upon the other two; there is the schedule of our commitments to jobs, church, family, friends. Far too often, Selah's name has become just that - a name, void of the richness of its meaning. So today, on Selah's 1st birthday, I want to intentionally pause and reflect on God's graces to us over the last year in our daughter.

Aside from the obvious beauty that she possesses (apparently we grow 'em big AND beautiful), Selah  has a beautiful spirit. She is funny, kind, generous and so friendly. Not a day passes that she doesn't gift us with a wave and a smile, a wide-open toothy kiss, just because. She has begun "social laughter" anytime someone else laughs. Although it's adorable, it's her belly laughs when she sees Benny or when Adrian chases her or when I surprise her by doing something weird, that are truly wonderful.

Selah has such a generous spirit, a gift that reminds me daily of how generous God the Father is to us. She loves to share her snacks with Ben (much to my chagrin) and if we ask, she will usually share her toys with us. She gives kisses freely and smiles with ease. This friendliness is one quality of hers that terrifies me, but that I absolutely love. Whenever we're in public, she is the first to wave and small and chatter to complete strangers in what I call the "the ministry of baby." I know she brightens people's days just by her sweet smile and friendly spirit. It scares the crap out of me. What if someone takes advantage of her friendliness? Will her innocence and openness with everyone be cause for heartache when she is rejected someday? I so long to protect her from the harsh realities and evil of the world, but I know I cannot.

Each night when we pray for her, we ask the Lord to protect her, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. We pray that God is her strength and her refuge when her kindness and others' harshness causes her pain. As she grows, we ask the Lord to always give her that sweet, caring, sunny spirit that she possesses and to use it for the Gospel. Most of all, we beg the Lord to draw her close to Him at an early age, and to be her perfect Father all her life.

We are so, so, so, so, so grateful that we get to be Daddy and Mama to this precious blessing. I was terrified to become a mom, and God has been exceedingly gracious in letting me be mom to this one. She has made this parenting journey an absolute joy. Because she reflects Jesus (without even knowing it), she is a joy - our beautiful, kind-hearted, sweet, funny one-year old. My heart is full.

Return to Regularly Scheduled Programming

For those of you who like to read about things other than babies on blogs - hang tight. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming after today's post about my girl's 1st birthday.

I can't promise I won't ever post about her - it's my life, after all, but there will be a return to topics other than if she rolled or walked or puked this month :)

Thanks for bearing with me over the last year!

Cruising Up On a Year

"It hardly seems possible, but the big day is drawing near."

As I sat down to FINALLY write Selah's 11-month update, the Baby Center Bulletin for this week came in with this as the subject.

"Hardly seems possible" is right! I am in shock that my sweet, itsy bits baby is only a few weeks away from turning 1 year old. She hit the 11-month mark last weekend, and we celebrated with lots of outings :)

My sweet friend Erin was in town so we were out and about all weekend! Selah got to see white-water rafting for the first time as we watched people in Idaho Springs. She went to the Cherry Creek farmer's market for the first time and she went to school (for an hour while I volunteered) for the first time!

She is still growing like a little weed, and it's a fairly apt comparison. She is tall and thin and reedy and bendy and resilient. She also keeps popping up where she doesn't belong...in the bathroom, behind furniture, through doors she has learned how to open :) She is so determined. 

Along with the determination has come discipline, as she decides to do things that aren't good for her or that are in direct defiance of what we tell her. With the discipline this month have come fits. She pitches them at the drop of a hat lately, and I frequently find myself thinking she would make great entries into the "My child cried because...." site.

When I won't let her stick my phone in her mouth - fit. When she watches her dad or I walk away - fit. When she wants to be independent and I won't put her on the ground - fit. When I take her bottle away or when I try to keep giving her her bottle - fit. She has found her voice and cries and bucks when she's unhappy, but she also chatters and screeches and calls out to to people (and Ben) when she's happy. She is vocal. 

Selah has learned how to dance this month and when music comes on, she starts bopping around. She also understands the word "clap" now and tries to say it. When she says "clap" (which, incidentally also sounds like her "quack") she'll start clapping her hands and bopping. Likewise, if she sees a bird or duck she will make the "clap/quack" noise. We took her to the Dragon Boat festival this weekend and she saw lots of ducks, so there was a lot of clapping, quacking and squawking going on. 

Speaking of boats and water, I think we have a beach baby on our hands! She loves to be in the pool and swim, something we discovered while she and I visited TN. After a few mouthfuls of water, she likes to stick her head in the water and try and drink :/ Ummmm.....We have a baby pool in our yard that she likes to crawl around and sprawl in. Still no independent walking, but lots of speed crawling (in and out of the pool), cruising and hand-held walking. 

In addition to pool water, she's becoming a champ at drinking out of her sippy cup and regular straws. This has been helpful as one whole meal is replaced by solids now, so she's eating solids and drinking from a cup like a big kid *tear*. Some of her favorites lately are (still) sweet potatoes and avocado with lime juice, but she also really likes bananas, strawberries and black beans (mashed with avocado). She eats her Puffs dipped in hummus sometimes, loves mashed potatoes, and desperately wants to try everything on our plates. When we don't give her cart blanche to steal our food she pitches a fit. Obviously. She is an adventurous eater, though, and hasn't shown any signs of allergies, except some painful pooping. She definitely has a poop face. It's hilarious :)

So, that's about it this month for our sweet baby girl! Hard to believe in mere weeks I'll be posting her 1 year update. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Time to kick party-planning mode into high gear!!

We adore this little lady.

Selah's Ten-Month Update

If I felt like time was flying before, Selah's ninth month of life moved at supersonic speed, bringing us to 10 months!

She's as funny as ever, with personality galore still and an attitude starting to come out. This month, she started truly pitching fits when we take something away that she wants or won't let her do something. Thankfully, she saves most of the attitude for Adrian and I, so the adoring public still thinks she's an angel ;) Truly though, she still is an incredibly sweet baby - just developing more of a determined attitude lately!

We went to Wyoming for Memorial Day, where she had a blast chasing the cats and playing with straws. Around that time, she developed a love for riding on her daddy's shoulders and a hatred for riding in the car. When she's had enough of being in the car/carseat, she starts crying. A lot. Smart girl though, as she can tell when we're slowing down and speeding up and what that means for her! Speeding up elicits wailing, while slowing down gets giggles and squeals in anticipation of coming out of her carseat.

Selah is SUCH a ham. Frankly, I'm worried that she is developing a "performer" attitude where she will need to be the center of attention. Not a cute trait to have as she grows up. We're working on her being just friendly for friendliness' sake, but also learning to be amused and happy by watching and learning rather than performing. She certainly is an attention-grabber though. Everywhere we go in public, she crinkles up her nose and smiles and waves and giggles - sometimes at nothing more than her own reflection :) That hasn't changed. She looooves to see herself!

Along with her personality, her little brain and problem-solving skills are definitely developing. You can almost see the wheels turning when we change up her toys or when she is trying to figure something out. For example, she knows she's not supposed to push the blue buttons on the DVR. After being reprimanded for that numerous times, she started crawling on top of the DVR and sitting there without touching the buttons. When I put a basket in front of the DVR to block her access, she figured out how to crawl behind it and started trying to pull wires out the back :/ Oy vey. I should have started having babies earlier in life ;)

Selah's started to transition herself to 2 naps a day, although depending on our schedule, we still try and give her 3. Speaking of three, her third tooth popped through a couple weeks ago! She's now a triceratooth (?) with two on the bottom and one on the top. This one didn't seem to cause as many sleep disruptions as the previous two, for which I'm thankful. Although, I think my use of the essential oils is also helping me sleep through :)

This week, Selah will experience Southern living and humidity for the first time!! She and I are flying to TN to spend a week with my parents and introduce her around. We're really excited, although I think we may die from the heat and humidity. My Colorado native does not do heat! Hopefully she'll do just fine with planes and travel though. I'm nervous, but also thinking that as long as there are people to wave at, she'll do just fine. Any tips for me as we fly, though?

I think that's about it for now! Without further ado - here's her 10 month photo!

Growing out of this basket...