Emotional stretching feels worse than physical stretching

For the last several weeks at church, we have been studying through the book of John in a series on belief. Concurrently, we've also been in the midst of our Roots campaign, which is challenging us to examine how God would have us put down roots and commit so that Summit can be a church that exists in downtown Denver for multiple generations. (PS - That is practically unheard of.)

Now, let's remember that over the last several weeks I have also been pregnant (thinking about future generations) and in the midst of buying a house (putting down roots in the city). Well, everything culminated last night and today in a big, pregnant, weepy mess.

Although Adrian is on staff at church, we were slackers who waited until last night to turn in our commitment card. Over the course of this house-buying process, we have had to learn to trust the Lord daily all over again. Although he has proved himself SO OFTEN, especially since we began taking leaps of faith like quitting jobs and moving to Denver, it's been a daily process of believing he wants us in this house and believing he'll provide for that to happen. Some of you may know that the house we're buying scares us a little financially. We're not being foolhardy, it's just stretching us beyond ourselves and our normal "We got this" attitude. We agreed before we put in an offer that we wanted this house to be a place that would bring God glory, both through the process and through the provision of it.

So far, each day, he has shown up big-time and confirmed moving forward on the house. It started with someone willing to partner with us to see the Gospel go forward in the city. It kept going with a clean inspection on the house with nothing major - a huge feat for a 100+ year old house! Then, one huge piece of the puzzle, down payment money, came together last week, totally outside our control.

But last night, as we're trying to figure out what our commitment to the Summit financially will look like, I froze. All those ways the Lord had already provided and confirmed moving forward flew out of my mind as Adrian gave me a number he thought we should contribute. I freaked out a little - not gonna lie. Just when it seemed we were getting our ducks in a row and pulling together everything we need to make this house happen, God challenged me to let go of my control, my plan, my money and my trust in myself.

So, with many tears and much trepidation (on my part) we committed to give in a way that freaks me out. Fast forward to this morning and my performance review. Totally outside of my radar, God provided through a bonus and a raise that was so unexpected, I hadn't even been looking for it! Ten minutes later, Adrian delivers the news that our apartment complex, which had every right to a month's rent for breaking our lease, wasn't going to charge us a thing! Those two things combine to more than double what we gave.

PLEASE HEAR THIS: This isn't some kind of "what goes around comes around" message or an endorsement of karma. Far from it. Do I think I would have still gotten a raise and we would have been let out of our lease even without commiting to give sacrifically last night? Absolutely. God is not vindictive nor trite. It wasn't a test of trust that since we passed, he gave us more money. Instead, it was another opportunity for us to demonstrate practically the belief we have in his goodness - and then a very real and clear demonstration of that goodness. Last night, God taught me about trusting, not only in his provision, but in Adrian's leadership of our family. Even without today's events, God would still be God. He would still be trustworthy, and letting my husband lead in generosity would still be a good thing. However, coupled with today, it's such a clear picture of how Jesus desires to bless us - first in himself and his gift of salvation, and then in the little gifts he gives us because he loves us.

If you are reading this and you don't know Jesus, congratulations on making it to this point :) This is a long blog post with lots of churchy language, but know this - the Lord is good. He is good because he gave us himself when we deserved wrath, and he is continually willing to show his goodness, even so I can have a clar-foot tub :)

Welcome

There's a song that apparently was originally done by Nina Simone, but in my mind, I hear it done by the Pussycat Dolls. Call me crazy or a product of my culture - either way, the lyrics are the same and they still apply.

"It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life for me...And I'm feelin good."

Many of you who stumble upon this blog probably knew me pre-Denver. Maybe we were college friends, or you knew me in NC and read my blog all about newlywed life. Maybe you're a new local friend, in which case, you probably don't know a ton about me.

Since my husband and I moved to Colorado nearly two years ago (wow!), I have virtually stopped blogging. Blame it on the lack of internet at the house, a busier life, or a desire to be more intentional in relationships, thus leading me to develop real community in person vs. over the internet, but it's been at least a year and a half since I blogged with any continuity. Things changed drastically in my life and I stopped writing. Now, things are about to change drastically again, and I hope to jump back into writing once again.

So, as Nina Simone/Nicole Scherzinger sang: It's a new life for me.

To catch you all up very briefly - we moved from North Carolina to Colorado on a wing and a prayer and a trust that the Lord had called us to this place for a purpose. We quit jobs, broke our lease and headed west for a grand adventure. Since that point, God has revealed himself and his provision for us time, and time, and time again. It's been an amazing journey.

And now - we are about to embark on another journey, or rather several journeys that all dovetail. This month, we will close on our first home in downtown Denver. Approximately 4.5 months after that, we will then become parents for the first time. Big changes on the horizon for the Vanderburgs. The VanderHouse (a real actual HOUSE!) will, hopefully, be a place where people can find refuge and respite in the Lord. Our little family, we pray, will be hospitable and generous with the gifts God has given us.

This new blog, then, is a way to chronicle God's provision of this house, this child, this calling and this life. It might be filled with bitter ranting about not being able to paint the walls the color I want. It might be filled with helpless weeping as I ask questions about what it looks like to care for a child. I hope it will be filled with stories of how God is growing us in love for one another and most of all - love for him.

So, feel free to read and keep up with us here at VanderHouse Happenings.