(or Why Not to Visit a Beauty School While Pregnant)
Since it's now been exactly two weeks since I skipped my lunch break so I could enjoy a nice afternoon at the Aveda Institute of Denver, I feel justified in posting about my frustrations.
Two Tuesdays ago, I structured my day so I could go spend a relaxing hour and a half at the Aveda Institute a couple blocks away from my office for a much-needed haircut. The last time (and only time) I got my hair cut here in Denver, I found a Groupon for a $19 haircut at an Aveda salon. Due to a fussy customer (not me) my stylist got switched at the last moment. No matter - I loved my stylist and ended up somehow not actually getting charged! It was a great experience.
So, this year, when it came time for my once-yearly haircut (newlyweds - don't let that be your story. Get your hair cut more than 1x a year), I booked a time at the Aveda Institute. The hip girls there would surely be able to give me something fresh and fun for summer/motherhood/a change, right? Wrong. So, here are my reasons why, if you are pregnant, you should definitely not go to the Aveda Institute. Just fork up another $15-$20 bucks and go to a licensed stylist.
1) They tell you your appointment will take an hour and a 15 minutes. When you arrive, they tell you it may be closer to and hour and a half. What they don't tell you is 2.5 hours after your scheduled appointment time you will be finally walking out the door. This is unfortunate for pregnant women because A) We can't get comfortable in any position for more than 15 minutes, much less sit in a salon chair for TWO AND A HALF HOURS with no ability to shift positions, walk around, put our feet up, etc. It's a huge, numb butt waiting to happen. Ask me how I know.
2) This particular institute is also not conducive to pregnant women or anyone with small bladders because the bathroom is on an entirely different floor! I mean, I understand not having one super convenient, but in the basement requiring a five-minute walk? Pregnant or not - if you have a bladder you're SOL if you happen to need to pee at any point during your 2.5 hour hair ordeal (especially after drinking the proffered tea or water!!). Bladders - beware. Ask me how I know.
3) I get it - it's a school. I don't expect perfection, or to feel like a bombshell when I leave, but seriously? This was not a good hair cut by any stretch of the imagination. My sweet little stylist who shall remain nameless - When I ask for no hair to be too short to go behind my ears, I actually mean that. I DON'T mean long, awkward, choppy "bangs" that will take AT LEAST 2+ weeks to grow long enough to tuck behind my ears (ask me how I know.) And when I say I don't want bangs, I just want some layers that will fall around my face, I also mean I don't want bangs. And when I ask for a straight cut around the bottom without layers, it would be really nice if I didn't have to go home and cut my hair because there are random clumps that are longer than the rest....This is especially unfortunate for pregnant women because we often don't feel beautiful at this stage of the game. We feel frumpy and bloated and unsure in our bodies. Personally, I don't feel like Heidi Klum needing a trim. I feel more like Elizabeth Banks' character in "What To Expect" when she says she doesn't have a glow. So, to spend 2.5 hours getting an ugly haircut that looks like a little boy who was attacked by mama's scissors is a liiiiiitle disheartening. I mean, I appreciate the scalp massage, but if I have to wear my hair pinned a certain way for at least two weeks so I don't cry at the shortness or choppiness of it - there might be a hair issue (or a self esteem issue, but that's neither here nor there).
So there you have it: My Top 3 Reasons to Say No To Cheap Hair Cuts (Especially While Pregnant).
1) Numb butt
2) Bladder abuse
3) Ugly confirmations
Now, I'm in that awkward waiting-till-it-grows-out-enough-to-go-to-a-real-stylist-to-fix-it phase. Any of my Denver friends have recommendations? I wish I learned my lesson buuuuuut....since I already spent money on this hair cut - a good deal is even better. Anyone?
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
First Mother's Day
As difficult as it is for me to comprehend - everyone keeps telling me we're parents now. I'm a mother already, even if I've only held my baby in my belly and in my heart and not my arms.
I realize Mother's Day can be a touchy subject for many, as it brings up pains and regrets over children lost or children never realized. I've never made much of a big deal about it, because I understand that for some people, for whatever reason, it's not a day of celebration but of mourning. For others of us, both expecting via biological birth and by adoption, it's a weird day because the world is divided on whether or not we ARE mothers at this stage of the game. Just because we haven't held our babies yet, does it mean we're any less emotionally invested than those who have? And for those who have lost children, either before birth or after, does the absence of a physical body mean you're no longer a mom?
So as I went about my day yesterday, it was interesting to observe Mother's Day from this "middle ground." It was interesting to see who wished me a happy Mother's Day as an obviously-expectant mom. Thank you to the myriad of friends, neighbors, coworkers, strangers and in-laws who did :) It was much appreciated.
It was also interesting to see how many people on Facebook mentioned Mother's Day. As I've gotten older and more of my friends have become moms or dads, the amount of people mentioning mother's day or changing their profile picture to a picture of them and their moms was amazing. TONS. Made me realize if I lost a child or no one recongized me as a mom, I'd want to hide in a dark hole with no Facebook for the whole weekend, which would be a shame since the weather here was SO lovely.
Speaking of lovely weather - my husband took full advantage of it for us as he helped me celebrate my first Mother's Day. I woke up (OK - so he woke me up) around 11:15 to a breakfast in the backyard, lovingly prepared by Snooze - my favorite brunch place in Denver! Two kinds of eggs benedict and some kind of delicious chocolately pancakes! Yum. He brought home a lovely vase of yellow flowers and tried to buy me a hammock because I LOVE them and our yard is begging for one, but that didn't work out as they weren't in-store. After church we grabbed burgers and ate in the backyard again under the pergola with the Christmas lights on. All in all - it was a nice time of celebrating Vanderbean making me a mom, but more than that, celebrating the blessings God has given us in each other, our home and the wee one bouncing up a storm in my belly.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, we squeezed in a trip to the Dollar Store (romantic, right? He had to pick up supplies for church). I sat in the car and watched a bazillion people come in and out of Dollar General and marveled. Not only were there a ton of people for a Sunday, but Mother's Day at the Dollar General? And the women going in and out were dressed to the nines, carrying flowers and wishing everyone a happy Mother's Day - including the teenager smoking pot on the sidewalk :) It was a very jolly atmosphere outside (Adrian said inside everyone was unhappy about the registers - apparently Dollar General didn't expect it to be a high-traffic day either).
So, if you are, ever were or ever plan to be a mother - I hope it was a happy Mother's Day for you. For the ways you alter your life to raise a the next generation - whether it be through parenting or spiritual parenting and discipling - thank you. You have been and are a blessing and hopefully because of you, we worship the One who perfectly parents.
I realize Mother's Day can be a touchy subject for many, as it brings up pains and regrets over children lost or children never realized. I've never made much of a big deal about it, because I understand that for some people, for whatever reason, it's not a day of celebration but of mourning. For others of us, both expecting via biological birth and by adoption, it's a weird day because the world is divided on whether or not we ARE mothers at this stage of the game. Just because we haven't held our babies yet, does it mean we're any less emotionally invested than those who have? And for those who have lost children, either before birth or after, does the absence of a physical body mean you're no longer a mom?
So as I went about my day yesterday, it was interesting to observe Mother's Day from this "middle ground." It was interesting to see who wished me a happy Mother's Day as an obviously-expectant mom. Thank you to the myriad of friends, neighbors, coworkers, strangers and in-laws who did :) It was much appreciated.
It was also interesting to see how many people on Facebook mentioned Mother's Day. As I've gotten older and more of my friends have become moms or dads, the amount of people mentioning mother's day or changing their profile picture to a picture of them and their moms was amazing. TONS. Made me realize if I lost a child or no one recongized me as a mom, I'd want to hide in a dark hole with no Facebook for the whole weekend, which would be a shame since the weather here was SO lovely.
Speaking of lovely weather - my husband took full advantage of it for us as he helped me celebrate my first Mother's Day. I woke up (OK - so he woke me up) around 11:15 to a breakfast in the backyard, lovingly prepared by Snooze - my favorite brunch place in Denver! Two kinds of eggs benedict and some kind of delicious chocolately pancakes! Yum. He brought home a lovely vase of yellow flowers and tried to buy me a hammock because I LOVE them and our yard is begging for one, but that didn't work out as they weren't in-store. After church we grabbed burgers and ate in the backyard again under the pergola with the Christmas lights on. All in all - it was a nice time of celebrating Vanderbean making me a mom, but more than that, celebrating the blessings God has given us in each other, our home and the wee one bouncing up a storm in my belly.
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| Pancakes with flowers on them. So delish. And pretty. And eco-friendly. |
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| Lovely flowers from my main squeeze. Finally - fresh flowers in my house! |
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| Our yummy brunch, complete with a nosy dog who wanted to celebrate, umm...eat, with us. |
So, if you are, ever were or ever plan to be a mother - I hope it was a happy Mother's Day for you. For the ways you alter your life to raise a the next generation - whether it be through parenting or spiritual parenting and discipling - thank you. You have been and are a blessing and hopefully because of you, we worship the One who perfectly parents.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thoughts on Dating for My Single Friends
When I was dating Adrian, I had a fantastic mentor who never denied me her wisdom and insight on dating and marriage. She was an immeasurable blessing to me during that time of trying to figure out my relationship with this guy, my relationship with the Lord and how all the facets of each worked together. After Adrian and I broke up, she was the one woman who would let me vent to her and cry to her - at her house, at the football field, in the line at Chick-Fil-A (you get the idea. It wasn't pretty). I'm sure she did grow weary of hearing the same struggles of my heart over and over again, but she never denied me time or counsel. Heather, I cannot express how thankful I am for you.
She once told me that it was an odd stage of life to be in - to have been married for years, with children and yet to be counseling young people on dating. Strangely enough, less than five years later I find myself in a similar place, except this time young men and women come to Adrian and I for wisdom. More and more frequently, I find myself having talking to a friend about dating. Since we're one of the "old married couples," I've found myself studying dating again with the hopes that somehow, we can express some truths to our single and searching friends - namely, that the Gospel changes EVERYTHING - especially dating.
Though we did not date perfectly or well by any means, and though I would advise a couple in our exact situation to approach some things differently, by God's grace, he has blessed me with an incredible husband who loves Him primarily, despite my screw-ups in dating. Our marriage isn't without it's difficulties, but I can honestly say that aside from Jesus, Adrian is the biggest blessing in my life.
A few thoughts and tidbits on this subject:
1) An article I read this week hit the nail on the head when it said an entire generation of church-going girls were taught that if they loved Jesus enough, He'd bring them a husband. They sat and waited for this "prize" of a man and the church, by and large, failed to tell them a husband wasn't the prize - JESUS is the prize.
2) Most married and/or older people have also failed to accurately convey reality to our single friends. Rather than telling them, "You'll meet someone some day" or "The right one is still out there," we need to be realistic. Statistics say you are not guaranteed a husband or wife. Not everyone marries. It is not an inevitability, and this is not a reflection of God's goodness or how marry-able you are. Again - JESUS is the prize, not a spouse - and saying good girls and guys will eventually have one implies that if they work hard enough, they'll be gifted with a spouse, as if that is the ultimate goal. It's not. Our pastor in Raleigh used to say that unhappy single people become unhappy married people. This does not imply that you need to work to make yourself happier, and then God will bless you with a spouse. Remember #1 - Jesus is the prize. Work to find your happiness in Him and let him care for your heart - single or not.
3) If you marry or if you don't, realize there are incredible burdens and blessings with both. Neither is an easy road, but in God's wisdom, He gifts people with either the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage - oftentimes both at different seasons of life. John Piper did an excellent sermon on this I listened to after Adrian and I broke up. If you have trouble believing that there are good things in singleness, please listen.
4) Realize that if you do get married, it will still be really easy to idolize marriage and the identity it brings along with it. A book I was reading earlier this week reminded me of how easy it is, especially for women, to allow ourselves to fear losing our marriage so much that it drives us to silence about sin out of fear. Ladies - who is the ultimate provider of your security, your sanctification, and your sustenance? Is it a man, or is it Jesus? Again, marriage is not the prize - Jesus is the prize. Don't be bullied into silence or wishfully hoping your husband will change for fear of losing that union.
5) Speaking up in a relationship is important. Men - you need to put on your big-boy pants and shoot straight. Our feelings might be hurt, we might cry in front of you (heaven forbid!), but we will get over it. Don't be a pansy and "hang out" with a girl for months and never give her any clear indication of your feelings. If you don't want to date her - tell her and act like it. If you do want to date her - tell her and act like it. Women, if a guy isn't declaring any intentions at all with you (and hear me - I'm not talking about the first few weeks. Don't be that girl who pushes too early and too much. I was and it's one of the reasons we broke up), don't just sit around "hoping and praying" he eventually will declare feelings for you. Protect your heart and have those conversations to see if this is going anywhere. Don't be so afraid of losing his friendship that you put everything on the line - time, emotions, hopes, plans - without knowing he is on the same page. See #3. Don't idolize that relationship or potential marriage. God wants men to be men and women to be women, but nowhere in the Bible does it advocate men using women or women being doormats.
6) Date within the context of community. I cannot emphasize this enough. Unfortunately, Adrian and I did not really do this since we lived in 2 different states until we got married (but we still had our respective friends and mentors give counsel). For the young people who aren't in our particular set of circumstances - make dating within community a priority. If you date within the community of your local church it (i) allows you to get to know people and let people get to know you more naturally, (ii) allows you to see a very real picture of whether or not that person loves Jesus, (iii) allows you to have people speak into your relationship, rather than solely trusting your own instincts and perceptions, (iv) allows you to date someone who is open to correction and wisdom from others. Too many times I've seen friends date people who were unwilling to go to church with them, be vulnerable with others or listen to counsel. Sometimes these people claimed to be believers, sometimes they didn't. Either way, an unyielding and unteachable spirit in a partner leads to heartache.
7) Don't date people that don't share the faith you claim. Obviously, most of these points are directed at people that claim to know Jesus and would call themselves Christian. If you believe in Christ, and your significant other does not - I beg you to reconsider the whole relationship. I know it's hard to feel like you're "limiting your options" by only dating people who believe in Jesus. I'll ask you this though - is it worth your time, energy and heartache to keep dating people who will work off a different set of ideals and standards, just for the sake of having more options? I would think less options of a better quality equals more success overall.
8) Treat the people you date as your brother or sister in Christ. Biblically, we don't see a model for dating like we do it today. That leaves a lot of areas for you to wonder how to relate to people in relationships. Biblically, it seems people either treat each other as a brother or sister in Christ, caring for them and protecting them and wanting the best for them, or you're married - in which case it's all those things, plus the gift of sex. When in doubt on how to date, treat that person as you would someone you care deeply about without the romantic side of things. This gets tricky - not going to lie - but if there isn't a clear direction toward marriage, treat them with respect and courtesy as you would a dear friend. Most people don't routinely make out with friends, so keep that in mind when figuring out how to conduct yourself.
Please hear my heart on this - I care about your love life. Is that weird? I see so much heartache due to poor relationships where men don't act like Godly men and women don't act like Godly women. It doesn't have to be that way. You won't date perfectly - God's grace will cover that. You won't have a pure heart all the time - God's grace will cover that. You will desire things out of a relationship you were never meant to find there - God's grace will cover that. Above all else, clothe yourself with dignity, seek wisdom and counsel and remember that JESUS is the prize.
She once told me that it was an odd stage of life to be in - to have been married for years, with children and yet to be counseling young people on dating. Strangely enough, less than five years later I find myself in a similar place, except this time young men and women come to Adrian and I for wisdom. More and more frequently, I find myself having talking to a friend about dating. Since we're one of the "old married couples," I've found myself studying dating again with the hopes that somehow, we can express some truths to our single and searching friends - namely, that the Gospel changes EVERYTHING - especially dating.
Though we did not date perfectly or well by any means, and though I would advise a couple in our exact situation to approach some things differently, by God's grace, he has blessed me with an incredible husband who loves Him primarily, despite my screw-ups in dating. Our marriage isn't without it's difficulties, but I can honestly say that aside from Jesus, Adrian is the biggest blessing in my life.
A few thoughts and tidbits on this subject:
1) An article I read this week hit the nail on the head when it said an entire generation of church-going girls were taught that if they loved Jesus enough, He'd bring them a husband. They sat and waited for this "prize" of a man and the church, by and large, failed to tell them a husband wasn't the prize - JESUS is the prize.
2) Most married and/or older people have also failed to accurately convey reality to our single friends. Rather than telling them, "You'll meet someone some day" or "The right one is still out there," we need to be realistic. Statistics say you are not guaranteed a husband or wife. Not everyone marries. It is not an inevitability, and this is not a reflection of God's goodness or how marry-able you are. Again - JESUS is the prize, not a spouse - and saying good girls and guys will eventually have one implies that if they work hard enough, they'll be gifted with a spouse, as if that is the ultimate goal. It's not. Our pastor in Raleigh used to say that unhappy single people become unhappy married people. This does not imply that you need to work to make yourself happier, and then God will bless you with a spouse. Remember #1 - Jesus is the prize. Work to find your happiness in Him and let him care for your heart - single or not.
3) If you marry or if you don't, realize there are incredible burdens and blessings with both. Neither is an easy road, but in God's wisdom, He gifts people with either the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage - oftentimes both at different seasons of life. John Piper did an excellent sermon on this I listened to after Adrian and I broke up. If you have trouble believing that there are good things in singleness, please listen.
4) Realize that if you do get married, it will still be really easy to idolize marriage and the identity it brings along with it. A book I was reading earlier this week reminded me of how easy it is, especially for women, to allow ourselves to fear losing our marriage so much that it drives us to silence about sin out of fear. Ladies - who is the ultimate provider of your security, your sanctification, and your sustenance? Is it a man, or is it Jesus? Again, marriage is not the prize - Jesus is the prize. Don't be bullied into silence or wishfully hoping your husband will change for fear of losing that union.
5) Speaking up in a relationship is important. Men - you need to put on your big-boy pants and shoot straight. Our feelings might be hurt, we might cry in front of you (heaven forbid!), but we will get over it. Don't be a pansy and "hang out" with a girl for months and never give her any clear indication of your feelings. If you don't want to date her - tell her and act like it. If you do want to date her - tell her and act like it. Women, if a guy isn't declaring any intentions at all with you (and hear me - I'm not talking about the first few weeks. Don't be that girl who pushes too early and too much. I was and it's one of the reasons we broke up), don't just sit around "hoping and praying" he eventually will declare feelings for you. Protect your heart and have those conversations to see if this is going anywhere. Don't be so afraid of losing his friendship that you put everything on the line - time, emotions, hopes, plans - without knowing he is on the same page. See #3. Don't idolize that relationship or potential marriage. God wants men to be men and women to be women, but nowhere in the Bible does it advocate men using women or women being doormats.
6) Date within the context of community. I cannot emphasize this enough. Unfortunately, Adrian and I did not really do this since we lived in 2 different states until we got married (but we still had our respective friends and mentors give counsel). For the young people who aren't in our particular set of circumstances - make dating within community a priority. If you date within the community of your local church it (i) allows you to get to know people and let people get to know you more naturally, (ii) allows you to see a very real picture of whether or not that person loves Jesus, (iii) allows you to have people speak into your relationship, rather than solely trusting your own instincts and perceptions, (iv) allows you to date someone who is open to correction and wisdom from others. Too many times I've seen friends date people who were unwilling to go to church with them, be vulnerable with others or listen to counsel. Sometimes these people claimed to be believers, sometimes they didn't. Either way, an unyielding and unteachable spirit in a partner leads to heartache.
7) Don't date people that don't share the faith you claim. Obviously, most of these points are directed at people that claim to know Jesus and would call themselves Christian. If you believe in Christ, and your significant other does not - I beg you to reconsider the whole relationship. I know it's hard to feel like you're "limiting your options" by only dating people who believe in Jesus. I'll ask you this though - is it worth your time, energy and heartache to keep dating people who will work off a different set of ideals and standards, just for the sake of having more options? I would think less options of a better quality equals more success overall.
8) Treat the people you date as your brother or sister in Christ. Biblically, we don't see a model for dating like we do it today. That leaves a lot of areas for you to wonder how to relate to people in relationships. Biblically, it seems people either treat each other as a brother or sister in Christ, caring for them and protecting them and wanting the best for them, or you're married - in which case it's all those things, plus the gift of sex. When in doubt on how to date, treat that person as you would someone you care deeply about without the romantic side of things. This gets tricky - not going to lie - but if there isn't a clear direction toward marriage, treat them with respect and courtesy as you would a dear friend. Most people don't routinely make out with friends, so keep that in mind when figuring out how to conduct yourself.
Please hear my heart on this - I care about your love life. Is that weird? I see so much heartache due to poor relationships where men don't act like Godly men and women don't act like Godly women. It doesn't have to be that way. You won't date perfectly - God's grace will cover that. You won't have a pure heart all the time - God's grace will cover that. You will desire things out of a relationship you were never meant to find there - God's grace will cover that. Above all else, clothe yourself with dignity, seek wisdom and counsel and remember that JESUS is the prize.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Dear Baby...
Dear Baby,
You probably won't know this, but I used to be a writer. Shocking, right? Ever since you began to grow in my belly, all my creative juices seem to have seeped out into the world around me. I look at all the beautiful things in the world and I want to capture them - with words, with pictures - but there isn't enough time in the day. Then I begin to think about the beautiful miracle that YOU are and I realize this is one story in my life that needs to be captured. I'm sorry it's taken me 5+ months to begin truly writing your story, but just know that your story was already being written by the Author of Life long before we knew about you.
Your daddy and I will celebrate four years of being married soon after you enter this world. It's been an amazing period in our life, and God has taught us so much and brought us so far. Someday we'll tell you about the health issues that preceeded you and how God worked on my heart from before we were married to prepare me to become a mom. He is PERFECT in his timing, let me reiterate that. All I knew before your Dad was that kids should be put off until I was much older and until after Daddy and I had had YEARS of time to ourselves, traveling and focusing on us. Can I be honest? I was terrified you'd appear sooner than I was (selfishly) ready. After years of health issues, though, I began to wonder if you'd ever arrive, and in God's infinite wisdom, he gave you to us.
When I found out I was pregnant with you, it was around 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday - the day before my birthday. I had been up about 6 times that night, anxiously wondering if I was pregnant and promising myself I would take a test when I woke up. However, since I kept waking up, I took the test ridiculously early in the morning and lo and behold - there was proof. To be honest - I was shocked. Some days I still am! I went into our bedroom and woke your dad up and said I needed to tell him something. Groggily, he asked if everything was OK and I said, "I'm pregant." Of course, since I frequently talk in my sleep (a fact I'm sure you'll be aware of someday!), your dad asked me if I was "crazy talking." I assured him I was not and that there would be a baby. He got up and went to the bathroom and came back and asked me again what I had said. When I once again told him I was pregnant, we were going to be parents, he finally realized I wasn't talking in my sleep - I was perfectly lucid - and he was going to be a dad.
We are so excited to meet you and find out whether you're going to be a little man or a little lady. (I definitely "feel" like you're all boy, but we shall see on your birthday!) I'm excited to have a name for you after we meet you, and I'm excited to begin learning all about you! There are definitely still times I struggle with picturing what life is going to look like in less than 4 months. Without knowing a gender, or a name, or a face or a personality, I wonder so much. Who are you? I know you like to dance in my belly in anticipation of me eating! You have also begun kicking my bladder - a fact I am less than thrilled about. You hopefully have my hair genes, which would explain the heartburn. What a blessing you are though - it's been a physically easy pregnancy with very little sickness (say no to Beyonce when you're older though!), and I'm so grateful you're taking it easy on me! Let's keep that trend going after you're born, mmmk?
I'm thankful you've started kicking to where Dad can feel you too, and I can't wait till you're old enough to play with your "big brother", Ben. He has no idea what's in store! If you can, get used to his barking now - you'll hear it a lot :/
I pray for you, VanderBean. I pray that you'll come to know God early in your life and avoid the heartaches of rejecting the Gospel. I pray that whether you're athletic (please choose soccer or basketball and rock at it!) or whether you're more creative, whether you're outgoing and gregarious or whether you're shy and reserved, that you would see your gifts and talents as blessings from the Lord to be used for His glory. I pray you find a Godly mate and marry early. Most of all I pray you grow up to love Jesus and take big risks for him. Your dad and I are trying to set that pattern in our life, and I hope it translates to you. Grow big (not TOO big yet) and strong, and know that your mama and daddy love you because of how Christ has loved us.
Much love,
Mama
You probably won't know this, but I used to be a writer. Shocking, right? Ever since you began to grow in my belly, all my creative juices seem to have seeped out into the world around me. I look at all the beautiful things in the world and I want to capture them - with words, with pictures - but there isn't enough time in the day. Then I begin to think about the beautiful miracle that YOU are and I realize this is one story in my life that needs to be captured. I'm sorry it's taken me 5+ months to begin truly writing your story, but just know that your story was already being written by the Author of Life long before we knew about you.
Your daddy and I will celebrate four years of being married soon after you enter this world. It's been an amazing period in our life, and God has taught us so much and brought us so far. Someday we'll tell you about the health issues that preceeded you and how God worked on my heart from before we were married to prepare me to become a mom. He is PERFECT in his timing, let me reiterate that. All I knew before your Dad was that kids should be put off until I was much older and until after Daddy and I had had YEARS of time to ourselves, traveling and focusing on us. Can I be honest? I was terrified you'd appear sooner than I was (selfishly) ready. After years of health issues, though, I began to wonder if you'd ever arrive, and in God's infinite wisdom, he gave you to us.
When I found out I was pregnant with you, it was around 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday - the day before my birthday. I had been up about 6 times that night, anxiously wondering if I was pregnant and promising myself I would take a test when I woke up. However, since I kept waking up, I took the test ridiculously early in the morning and lo and behold - there was proof. To be honest - I was shocked. Some days I still am! I went into our bedroom and woke your dad up and said I needed to tell him something. Groggily, he asked if everything was OK and I said, "I'm pregant." Of course, since I frequently talk in my sleep (a fact I'm sure you'll be aware of someday!), your dad asked me if I was "crazy talking." I assured him I was not and that there would be a baby. He got up and went to the bathroom and came back and asked me again what I had said. When I once again told him I was pregnant, we were going to be parents, he finally realized I wasn't talking in my sleep - I was perfectly lucid - and he was going to be a dad.
We are so excited to meet you and find out whether you're going to be a little man or a little lady. (I definitely "feel" like you're all boy, but we shall see on your birthday!) I'm excited to have a name for you after we meet you, and I'm excited to begin learning all about you! There are definitely still times I struggle with picturing what life is going to look like in less than 4 months. Without knowing a gender, or a name, or a face or a personality, I wonder so much. Who are you? I know you like to dance in my belly in anticipation of me eating! You have also begun kicking my bladder - a fact I am less than thrilled about. You hopefully have my hair genes, which would explain the heartburn. What a blessing you are though - it's been a physically easy pregnancy with very little sickness (say no to Beyonce when you're older though!), and I'm so grateful you're taking it easy on me! Let's keep that trend going after you're born, mmmk?
I'm thankful you've started kicking to where Dad can feel you too, and I can't wait till you're old enough to play with your "big brother", Ben. He has no idea what's in store! If you can, get used to his barking now - you'll hear it a lot :/
I pray for you, VanderBean. I pray that you'll come to know God early in your life and avoid the heartaches of rejecting the Gospel. I pray that whether you're athletic (please choose soccer or basketball and rock at it!) or whether you're more creative, whether you're outgoing and gregarious or whether you're shy and reserved, that you would see your gifts and talents as blessings from the Lord to be used for His glory. I pray you find a Godly mate and marry early. Most of all I pray you grow up to love Jesus and take big risks for him. Your dad and I are trying to set that pattern in our life, and I hope it translates to you. Grow big (not TOO big yet) and strong, and know that your mama and daddy love you because of how Christ has loved us.
Much love,
Mama
Friday, April 19, 2013
Past, Present and Future
It's amazing when I look back and think about life a year ago. So much is different, and it all seems like a whirlwind, but a year is a long time, right?
This week last year:
-I quit at Ashford and started working for Cushman & Wakefield. It was like coming out of a fog and realizing I could enjoy work again.
-We celebrated 2.5 years of marriage and 3 years since getting engaged.
-I continued questioning our future, starting a family and setting down roots.
This week this year:
-I celebrated being at my job a year, although it wasn't official since I started with a recruiter and not directly with C&W.
-We celebrated 3.5 years of marriage yesterday and 4 years since getting engaged. Crazy how long ago that seems!
-We celebrated 3 weeks of home ownership and being 23 weeks along with our first baby. This morning we laid in bed and Adrian felt the baby clearly kicking for a while. I'm really glad to be able to share the physical effects with him,especially since this week brought lots of discussions about how my body is changing due to pregnancy.
Even though a lot of the uncertainty of last year has faded, (we've decided God has called us to Denver for the long-term, leading us to buy a house and begin our family here), as always, a whole new set of uncertainty has cropped up. What does life look like in 4 months? Will I be a good mom? I know nothing about babies. How will I cope with all the emotions? Will our house ever be settled and feel like home? Will I always struggle with discontentment about something? I KNOW the Lord is faithful and provides. Sometimes, as an emotional person, it's hard for me to feel it though, even in the face of so much evidence. I worry and I fret and wonder about the future, but try to trust God for my home, my security, my mental health and my family.
This week last year:
-I quit at Ashford and started working for Cushman & Wakefield. It was like coming out of a fog and realizing I could enjoy work again.
-We celebrated 2.5 years of marriage and 3 years since getting engaged.
-I continued questioning our future, starting a family and setting down roots.
This week this year:
-I celebrated being at my job a year, although it wasn't official since I started with a recruiter and not directly with C&W.
-We celebrated 3.5 years of marriage yesterday and 4 years since getting engaged. Crazy how long ago that seems!
-We celebrated 3 weeks of home ownership and being 23 weeks along with our first baby. This morning we laid in bed and Adrian felt the baby clearly kicking for a while. I'm really glad to be able to share the physical effects with him,especially since this week brought lots of discussions about how my body is changing due to pregnancy.
Even though a lot of the uncertainty of last year has faded, (we've decided God has called us to Denver for the long-term, leading us to buy a house and begin our family here), as always, a whole new set of uncertainty has cropped up. What does life look like in 4 months? Will I be a good mom? I know nothing about babies. How will I cope with all the emotions? Will our house ever be settled and feel like home? Will I always struggle with discontentment about something? I KNOW the Lord is faithful and provides. Sometimes, as an emotional person, it's hard for me to feel it though, even in the face of so much evidence. I worry and I fret and wonder about the future, but try to trust God for my home, my security, my mental health and my family.
Monday, April 8, 2013
The VanderBean Chronicles
Maybe you've seen that meme (how the heck is that pronounced?!) where the girl says she doesn't feel 30. She feels 20, but then she hangs out with 20 year olds and realized she's 30. That kind of describes where I'm at right now.
I don't feel like I'm a grown-up, married, home-owning, future parent. I feel like I'm fresh out of college with a world of possibilities awaiting me. Then, I hang out with people that ARE fresh out of college with a world of possibilities and I'm reminded that I'm further from that time period than I realize - and that's OK. In fact, I kind of like it. Possibilities freak me out. When the world is your oyster and up to you to choose, there's a ton of pressure to make certain decisions or be a certain person and that stresses me out. I love the stability the Lord has built into my life, and I love our community here in Denver, our house, and the little one God is growing inside of me. Such big life things still freak me out, but I'm comforted knowing that all of these changes that are happening are doing so under God's loving guidance and not because I'm forcing them. It's kind of a miracle I got to this stage of life and now I'm trying to just enjoy the ride :)
Speaking of miracles, we saw our little VanderBean today - live and in living color! Our 20-week ultrasound (which actually fell at 21 weeks - over halfway there!) was today, and it was absolutely crazy to see AND feel our baby!
All is progressing normally and on schedule, although the tech did say the baby's arms and legs are measuring long for it's age. Shocker. Have you seen my husband?! As the tech was moving around and showing us a good strong spine and tiny little fists, I started to feel a sharp pain on my right side and asked her to see what was happening there. Sure enough, VanderBean was kicking up a storm at that moment and we caught it on the ultrasound :) It was so cool to feel something and to be able to see exactly what was happening that was causing that feeling! Once that happened, Adrian put his hand on my stomach in hopes of feeling baby moving, but the tech said it might be a couple more weeks before that happens.
With the knowledge of baby's impending arrival (still on track for mid-August) comes a sense of urgency to get everything settled in the house before little one arrives or before my body becomes completely foreign to me. Call it nesting, call it obsession with our home, but either way - we realized this weekend there is definitely a limit to how much I can and should do right now. I'm trying to find the balance of being productive, but also resting in the Lord's provision and knowing that he provided the house and he will make it a home - whether or not it's painted the way I want or if the furniture is exactly where I want it to be.
I don't feel like I'm a grown-up, married, home-owning, future parent. I feel like I'm fresh out of college with a world of possibilities awaiting me. Then, I hang out with people that ARE fresh out of college with a world of possibilities and I'm reminded that I'm further from that time period than I realize - and that's OK. In fact, I kind of like it. Possibilities freak me out. When the world is your oyster and up to you to choose, there's a ton of pressure to make certain decisions or be a certain person and that stresses me out. I love the stability the Lord has built into my life, and I love our community here in Denver, our house, and the little one God is growing inside of me. Such big life things still freak me out, but I'm comforted knowing that all of these changes that are happening are doing so under God's loving guidance and not because I'm forcing them. It's kind of a miracle I got to this stage of life and now I'm trying to just enjoy the ride :)
Speaking of miracles, we saw our little VanderBean today - live and in living color! Our 20-week ultrasound (which actually fell at 21 weeks - over halfway there!) was today, and it was absolutely crazy to see AND feel our baby!
All is progressing normally and on schedule, although the tech did say the baby's arms and legs are measuring long for it's age. Shocker. Have you seen my husband?! As the tech was moving around and showing us a good strong spine and tiny little fists, I started to feel a sharp pain on my right side and asked her to see what was happening there. Sure enough, VanderBean was kicking up a storm at that moment and we caught it on the ultrasound :) It was so cool to feel something and to be able to see exactly what was happening that was causing that feeling! Once that happened, Adrian put his hand on my stomach in hopes of feeling baby moving, but the tech said it might be a couple more weeks before that happens.
With the knowledge of baby's impending arrival (still on track for mid-August) comes a sense of urgency to get everything settled in the house before little one arrives or before my body becomes completely foreign to me. Call it nesting, call it obsession with our home, but either way - we realized this weekend there is definitely a limit to how much I can and should do right now. I'm trying to find the balance of being productive, but also resting in the Lord's provision and knowing that he provided the house and he will make it a home - whether or not it's painted the way I want or if the furniture is exactly where I want it to be.
Friday, April 5, 2013
A Relocated VanderHouse :)
Well - we have been home owners for exactly a week now!! A lot has happened since I last blogged, but I want to - in the essence of documentation - share a little of the process.
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| The house, right before it became ours! |
The week leading up to closing was a bit of a nightmare. We had been surprised at how smoothly everything had gone up until that point, and Tuesday night (scheduled to close the following Wednesday), everything fell apart. I won't go into all the details, but multiple times, we were ready to walk away. To say it was a loooong week would be an understatement. Each hour between Tuesday night and closing crawled by and was filled with doubts of whether or not we'd actually make it to closing, or whether we should just walk away and call it a learning experience.
Between Tuesday and Friday, we closed the door on the house (figuratively, obviously, since we didn't own it) several times, and I prepared myself to walk away. I was so thankful for all the Lord had taught us about faith and trusting him through the process, but it seemed like it was a definite "no" for the first time, and I had been praying God would make it clearly a yes or no.
The weekend before our scheduled closing was an emotional roller coaster. I wanted to get off the ride and throw up. I wanted to walk away because I was pissed. I wanted to hang on because I loved the house. I wanted to prove a point that "Mama didn't raise no fool," and yet I felt torn because we believed we weren't being foolish, instead relying on God's leading and provision for THIS house. After talking about it and praying about it (it sounds trite, maybe, but it was very much something we needed to pray about), we decided to tentatively move forward and somehow come up with what we needed to get the house. If God had called us to this house 5 weeks prior, had that changed? No, it hadn't. The new circumstances hadn't caught God by surprise, so we moved forward.
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| Benny is LOVING his new backyard :) |
Once again the Lord provided, this time in a very tangible way through our church family. We were mightily provided for, in order that we might see and recognize God's faithfulness and goodness. I can't even begin to tell you what that has done to our hearts. One night, we sat and cried and prayed with friends. We thanked God for his incredible care and for our church family that cared for us as Jesus does. In a very real way, we experienced God's hand working through the situation and we are so immensely, immensely grateful. To those who prayed and provided (you know who you are), we love you so much and praise God for you. Thank you for demonstrating God's faithfulness through your sacrifices.
Fast forward to Thursday, and although it was a day late (and several dollars shorter!), we walked into an office, signed some papers, met the amazing Mortgage Mike and walked out as homeowners. It was surreal. Adrian had been packing a moving truck ALL DAY with a friend and when we got back to our apartment, we found there had been others who had volunteered to come keep packing while we closed. I drove my car to our new house and was met by friends who had come to help us unload everything into the house. By the time Adrian and his mom showed up with the truck - we had a porchful of friends waiting to get everything moved in. All told, there were around 15 people who gave time and energy to help this pregnant lady and her exhausted husband start a new chapter by moving all our worldly possessions. We are SO blessed by you, friends.
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| Sunset out the front window Wednesday night |
I cannot begin to tell you how humbled, and awestruck, and thankful, and excited we are by all God has done in the last week and a half in our lives through our church and friends. It has been a long and (still) exhausting week of trying to unpack and settle in and get life organized, but I have every confidence that the Lord who cares enough to give us a house will care enough to make it a home :)
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