Three Months and Counting

Our baby girl is three month old today. I feel like it was literally two days go that I was marveling at the fact that she was already one month, two months, and now another month bites the dust? It's crazy. Can't say I like it.

She started sleeping through the night (by my standards, which means 9 hours) the week I went back to work, so when she was 7 weeks old. Adrian had gotten really sick, so I had to take a day off on my 4th day back, which meant that I was in charge of Selah from Friday to Sunday the whole time. Miracle of miracles, it seems I somehow stumbled on a formula that seems to work. She takes her last bottle between 10:30-10:40, and then she was asleep by 11:56 and didn't wake up until 8:52 the next morning. I was ecstatic.

Her sleep pattern has continued and the last few nights has been lengthening! She has nursed a little at 9:30, taken a smaller bottle at 10:30, asleep by 11:30 and doesn't wake up till 10 or 10:30. To say we are grateful for how awesome she is doing with sleeping is an understatement. She's amazing, especially for sleeping 11 hours at 3 months old! Now, if I could just be in bed right after her, we'd be on to something.

In addition to the new sleep pattern, she has also developed a new vocal range. Girlfriend can squeal. The last month she began cooing and making all kinds of sweet gurgling sounds when she's happy, which is pretty darn frequently. The last few days though, she has begun to sound like a pterodactyl every time she is awake. Seriously, squawking the likes of which I've never heard! She lays on her back and squawks and squeals and just learns all about the sounds she can make. It's obvious she's pretty proud of herself because she'll do it when she's all alone and then I catch her smiling really big about it.

Selah is also developing a lot more body control, and its hard to remember how floppy and smooshy she was as a newborn. She's reaching for toys on her mobile, she grasps fingers for a long time and she can sit up with just some light support to keep her from falling over. Pretty soon she'll be rolling over (doesn't hate her tummy time, but doesn't prefer it) and sitting herself up. Although I look forward to when she can sit up on her own, I know it will be more one milestone of growth and I won't be ready for her to be growing up so quickly! Additionally, she has discovered that her hands are great fun. She waves her fists in the air, but more often, tries to shove them whole into her mouth. It's amazing and a little scary how close she is to accomplishing that! She's drooling a lot and combined with the preoccupation of her hands in her mouth, I'm wondering if she'll be teething early.

Later this month she'll get to experience Harry Potter for the first time when we do our annual Thanksgiving marathon, though hopefully she'll be in bed for most of it. She already loves watching sports, especially football and basketball, on TV with us, so we think she's gearing up to beat us both in Fantasy Football at some point.

I am so, so, so, so excited for the holidays with her. I can't wait to see her reaction to a Christmas tree, all the lights and the fun of ripping wrapping paper (Ben will show her how it's done)! So, without further ado, here is her 3-month photo!

Traditions

I might become one of those people I scoffed at. One of those people who begins decorating and celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving has come and gone. Oh, the bittersweet irony.

In the past, I was always adamant that each holiday had it’s time, and not to rush Christmas. Trees were for putting up AFTER Thanksgiving, carols were to be sung in December (although January 1^st was acceptable) and gifts were to be bought Christmas Eve. You know – all the same rules everyone holds to, right?

This year though, with a baby girl in tow and a beautiful home of our own to decorate, the itch for Christmas is hitting MUCH earlier than ever before. So much so, that as I’ve been laid up in bed this week, I have been all over Pinterest like spit-up on a newborn, i.e., a lot. Visions of craft days with Selah fill my head.

And yet, I’m already cautioning myself against burnout. Maybe it’s from not feeling 100% lately, but I’m already a little weary and nothing but anticipation has begun! It’s been blogged to death, but Pinterest really can set some ridiculously high expectations, especially this time of year. So as I’m thinking through things I want to do and establish, I want to be mindful of making wise choices on how we spend our money, time and energy. One thing I’ve kind of prided myself on is establishing intentional traditions for our family and making intentional memories, not just during Christmas, but throughout the year.

We always buy a coffee mug from big trips or places we’ve lived. We started a family-portrait-in-front-of-a-cornfield tradition this year. (Now) We always take a picture on our anniversary, holding a picture from our last anniversary (and we always take a trip on our anniversary). We always make several pots of various soups and have a Harry Potter marathon the whole week of Thanksgiving (one of our favorite traditions!!). I’m going to start a new tradition this year for Christmas for Adrian, to remind him he’s my first priority. So my question is this: What traditions do you recommend?

Obviously there are some big gaping holes in our traditions. Journalist that I am, I like to commemorate with words and pictures. I need some traditions to just ENJOY. We need some traditions to focus us on Jesus and not on ourselves. We also need some Christmas traditions – a meal to bake, an ornament to make, a picture to take…you get the idea. So, friends – hit me with your best shot. Fire away.

What traditions have you found especially meaningful for your family or yourself? What traditions help you draw close to Jesus? What traditions are just great memories from Christmas or whenever that we should consider implementing? Ready….GO.

Pensieve

If I only could get to Hogwarts, I'd take advantage of the pensieve and relieve myself of the thoughts and memories swirling around in my head. However, I don't see that as a likelihood, so my blog will have to function in that role.

It's been a couple months of mental treadmill time. So many things going on, questions being asked, emotional battles being fought and beliefs being hashed out. It's been a period of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows for me. I didn't believe the people who said I'd absolutely love being a mom. Why would I? I'm not super maternal and I had zero experience with babies. I had no idea how much I would love it. I also didn't fathom how much it would stretch my faith and me to return to the workforce only 7 weeks after Seh being born. Since her birth, it has been a time of rapid change in our lives, and though we knew it was coming, I confess it's been much harder than I expected for me. The uncertainty has left me reeling, and struggling against God and wondering what the future holds.

Today is our 4-year anniversary. Like we do every year, we're taking a weekend vacation to celebrate and re-connect. On the one hand - I'm a little scared. Leaving my little munchkin all weekend is not the most appealing thing, but on the other hand - an entire weekend away to sleep and keep clothes free of baby bodily fluids? Awesome. And yet - it's bittersweet to move forward into our 5th year of marriage. It's been a wonderful season of life, but the winds they are a changing and bringing a new season with them. In the last year, we bought a house and had a baby. Those are big changes to carry us into year 5. Now we have big questions about how to pay our mortgage and save for Selah. No longer can we be as carefree with our decisions, and that weighs on me. Though there are things I desparately want to do in the next year (the next MONTH), I just can't. It's a weighty thing to be responsible for another life (beyond the dog, turtles or your grown-man husband). I love it, but it's weighty.

As we get away together, I am hoping it will be a time to rest in the arms of my husband and in the arms of Jesus, and to remember that I don't have to struggle. Though there are still big questions on the horizon, I don't have to KNOW or have the answers. We'll take it a few days at a time and trust that the Lord is a good and loving Father who desires to give us good gifts. He already has, and I'm looking forward to seeing how he writes our story over the next 4 or 40 years.

VanderBean's Debut

Tomorrow, my sweet baby turns 6 weeks old. Time has alternately crawled and flown by, and I am beginning to fully understand the phrase, "The days are long but the years are short." I don't know about years, but the last 6 weeks have flown by.

Next week, I'll start back to work - a fact that I am alternately terrified by and (somewhat) looking forward to. I'm looking forward to having more than an hour and a half block to not focus on all things baby. I am terrified for obvious reasons - what mother is ever ready to leave her newborn all day long, even if she knows the baby is in the FULLY capable hands of Jesus and Adrian?

Before I look ahead too much - let me look back and share the store of VanderBean's birth, for those who want to know. If you don't want to know - skip down. There are pictures at the end :)

Six weeks ago today, I woke up at 5:45 in the morning with contractions. Due to slightly elevated blood pressure and some protein in my urine at my regular Friday appointment, we were scheduled to go back to the doctor's office that morning for a follow-up. She believed I had preeclampsia and had wanted to induce on Friday. I said, "No thanks - we'll take it easy and wait and see." I wasn't even due for another week. So, when I woke up with regular contractions on Monday morning, I was confident we had made the right decision to wait and not get induced. After telling the nurse I was having regular contractions (about 6 minutes apart by the time we got to the doctor), they still hooked me up to monitors for an hour and a half to keep track of the baby's heartbeat, my blood pressure and fetal movements.

When the doctor finally (FINALLY) examined me, she found I was 5 centimeters dilated and to the hospital I was ordered to go! Do not go home, do not pass go...that kind of thing. Seriously? I could have told you it was time for the hospital. Anyways. We went home to gather our things (against doc's orders), but I was a little panicked and refused to go get food - for myself or Adrian. I was starving. He was starving...it was a bit of a hangry labor.

After checking into the hospital, our dear friend Melissa brought A a sub and then later, our friends Andy and Angela brought us some Chick-Fil-A. Mine went into the fridge for after the labor and Adrian happily ate his :/ Advice #1 to future mothers - EAT BEFORE YOU GO. I know they say not to, but I fully believe I would have felt MUCH better if I just had some food in my belly. As it was, we had to keep my mind off my hunger by watching episodes of the Office and starting Bananagrams.

Advice #2 to future mothers - If you're getting an epidural, make sure to get it as soon as you think you want it. After being in labor in the hospital for about 7-8 hours, I was ready. However, they wanted to check my cervix one more time before (I was at 8 cm dilated), and while doing that, they broke my water. After that, the contractions got AWFUL. It was seriously painful and kudos to women who go all natural. No way I could do that. For about an hour and a half, I labored really painfully between when my water was broken and when the epidural took effect. And then it was time to push. Our nurse asked in the middle of the pushing if I was ready to do it all again (pregnancy, labor) and honestly, apart from that hour and a half, I did not mind labor and delivery at all. Seriously. Some women have horror stories and I am so thankful mine wasn't one of those. What a blessing.

From 9:45 to midnight that Monday night, I pushed, and Adrian was there coaching me the whole time. Seriously, the best birth coach I could have asked for!! As we neared midnight, I was hoping the baby would make his/her appearance. Not sure why I wanted that, but I did. Anyways, a few minutes after 12:00, a contraction hit, I pushed, and most of the baby came on out. The doctor was in the hall at that point, so the nurse went running out to grab her, leaving just Adrian and I there to try and keep that baby from hitting the floor! Not really, but close. I could actually still feel the legs inside me kicking (what a weird sensation), so he wasn't about to actually deliver the baby, but it was a little close! After the doctor delivered the baby, she let Adrian announce the gender.

When he said, "We have a little girl," I asked, "Seriously?!" I thought he was joking; I had been so sure it was a boy!! I was wrong :)

We had two girl names picked out, but when we saw the size of her hands and feet, and learned she was in the 98th percentile for height, we got a little worried about our name options. Did we want to go with Elliot (Elle or Ellie) - a name that, though it holds great meaning, is a boy's name? Or did we want to go with Remy, which rhymes with Remy the Hemi? No thanks. We needed something feminine, in case she follows in her dad's footsteps and is not small and dainty? (PS - there are apparently baby size predictors, based off mom and dad's height. According to that - she'll be 5'11''.)

After a day to think about it and rest up, we eventually settled on the name Selah Grace for our new daughter. It's a word in the Psalms that is believed to mean "Pause and reflect," so her name literally means to pause and reflect on grace, as God has gifted us with SO MUCH. So, with that said, here are a few photos to pause and reflect on! Hate to cut this short, but she's a wee bit fussy and hungry sitting beside me at Starbucks as I type this :) So enjoy and welcome to the world, Selah!! We are SO GLAD you're here and that you're ours.

It's the Final Countdown

More time has elapsed since my last post than will likely elapse until our baby is born.

What?! That's crazy. Seriously. Still having trouble wrapping my mind around all the changes that are coming in a few short weeks. Although we are now within a month of the due date, I'm starting to think we could meet this little VanderBean sooner than expected. At my appointment on Tuesday, I was told I'm measuring about a week and a half ahead of schedule, so we could either have a giant baby (wouldn't surprise me) or our weekends of sleeping till 11 could be seriously numbered.

It's the final countdown - no doubt about that. So much has happened in the last few weeks, and yet, so much more to come...

- Adrian and I celebrated a "babymoon" with a weekend in Beaver Creek, CO at the end of June. Although we had a good time, bad customer service, combined with a fire in our room and a 6 am evacuation for a different fire, made the trip slightly less than 100% relaxing.

- July 4th was spent with a cookout at City Park with friends, an adorable little po-dunk parade a few blocks from the house, The Lone Ranger at the theater, surf and turf dinner on our front porch amid 5 fireworks shows we could see and sparklers in the street with our dear friends the Turneys. Even though it looked vastly different (and more pregnant) than last year's celebrations - both have been great! No tubing or biking to watch fireworks in 2013, but we still had a wonderful time. Also - I had a prenatal massage the day before and it was glorious. SOOOOO nice and needed!

- Friends from church threw us an amazing baby shower. We were SO blessed to have around 30 people come celebrate VanderBean and gift us with some serious swag!! It was so nice to have A's mom and aunt in town that weekend to help sort through and organize all the gifts too. The following week, the girls at work threw a shower for me and another recent mama, and it was also a sweet time with those ladies! Potluck lunch and baby gifts - how fun!

- We had a friend from church living with us for a month or so, as she prepared for her wedding to another friend from church. We celebrated with them this past Saturday as they married amid the sounds of a parade and block party across the street :)

- Adrian went to his parents' house for a week to enjoy some R&R from work and help his parents with projects around the house. He returned with a TRUCKLOAD of goodies - yard equipment, tools, a cute little storage bench...I'm excited to see how it helps the house come together!

- Ben is finally settling in. After months of craziness, when he and A returned from WY, he was back to his sweet self. We seem to have a routine now that suits him (basically, bribes of lots of treats!), but thankfully, he's a pleasure to have around again! We think he may have been picking up on our feelings of being unsettled, but we're all doing good now :)

- A couple of weekends ago we were all about Craigslist! We had multiple little dates to cute surrounding towns to pick up a glider and some lawn furniture. We combined those excursions with paddle-boating, pizza, and fro-yo. And then enjoying lots of sitting in our new, comfy pieces.

After a months of fun-days, what is there left to look forward to before the baby comes?

- Birthing class this weekend. Hopefully this helps me understand when I should call the doctor and go to the hospital! Still a little fuzzy on those details...
- Going to Golden to sit in the creek and enjoy some water and pizza at Woody's!
- Getting the nursery painted soon, hopefully!! We need to put it all together still.
- Ordering the last few things for the baby. Although we've been given so much and I've been able to bargain hunt for the rest of the baby stuff, there are still a few key pieces missing. So, on the agenda for the next week or so is getting the car-seat and crib mattress! You know - minor things. Who needs a car seat? ;)
- Enjoying the last few weeks of time with just Adrian and I. We've been trying to sleep a lot, watch a lot of movies, enjoy dinners out and just have fun together. Sadly, so many people act like this baby coming will change everything for the negative. "You'll never go to a movie again." "Eat dinner out now, because you won't be able to once the baby is here." To some extent, I understand the truth in their statements. A baby changes everything. I get that. Just because something changes though doesn't mean it ends. Life won't be over, date nights won't be over, fun won't be over just because a baby comes. We'll have to be strategic and plan ahead more, but we're both determined to look at the changes this baby will bring as a joyous blessing and not an inconvenience to our life.

Am I way off or being totally naive? If I am being naive, maybe don't tell me :) Let me enjoy the last few weeks of ignorance in bliss!

Say No to Cheap Hair Cuts

(or Why Not to Visit a Beauty School While Pregnant)

Since it's now been exactly two weeks since I skipped my lunch break so I could enjoy a nice afternoon at the Aveda Institute of Denver, I feel justified in posting about my frustrations.

Two Tuesdays ago, I structured my day so I could go spend a relaxing hour and a half at the Aveda Institute a couple blocks away from my office for a much-needed haircut. The last time (and only time) I got my hair cut here in Denver, I found a Groupon for a $19 haircut at an Aveda salon. Due to a fussy customer (not me) my stylist got switched at the last moment. No matter - I loved my stylist and ended up somehow not actually getting charged! It was a great experience.

So, this year, when it came time for my once-yearly haircut (newlyweds - don't let that be your story. Get your hair cut more than 1x a year), I booked a time at the Aveda Institute. The hip girls there would surely be able to give me something fresh and fun for summer/motherhood/a change, right? Wrong. So, here are my reasons why, if you are pregnant, you should definitely not go to the Aveda Institute. Just fork up another $15-$20 bucks and go to a licensed stylist.

1) They tell you your appointment will take an hour and a 15 minutes. When you arrive, they tell you it may be closer to and hour and a half. What they don't tell you is 2.5 hours after your scheduled appointment time you will be finally walking out the door. This is unfortunate for pregnant women because A) We can't get comfortable in any position for more than 15 minutes, much less sit in a salon chair for TWO AND A HALF HOURS with no ability to shift positions, walk around, put our feet up, etc. It's a huge, numb butt waiting to happen. Ask me how I know.
2) This particular institute is also not conducive to pregnant women or anyone with small bladders because the bathroom is on an entirely different floor! I mean, I understand not having one super convenient, but in the basement requiring a five-minute walk? Pregnant or not - if you have a bladder you're SOL if you happen to need to pee at any point during your 2.5 hour hair ordeal (especially after drinking the proffered tea or water!!). Bladders - beware. Ask me how I know.
3) I get it - it's a school. I don't expect perfection, or to feel like a bombshell when I leave, but seriously? This was not a good hair cut by any stretch of the imagination. My sweet little stylist who shall remain nameless - When I ask for no hair to be too short to go behind my ears, I actually mean that. I DON'T mean long, awkward, choppy "bangs" that will take AT LEAST 2+ weeks to grow long enough to tuck behind my ears (ask me how I know.) And when I say I don't want bangs, I just want some layers that will fall around my face, I also mean I don't want bangs. And when I ask for a straight cut around the bottom without layers, it would be really nice if I didn't have to go home and cut my hair because there are random clumps that are longer than the rest....This is especially unfortunate for pregnant women because we often don't feel beautiful at this stage of the game. We feel frumpy and bloated and unsure in our bodies. Personally, I don't feel like Heidi Klum needing a trim. I feel more like Elizabeth Banks' character in "What To Expect" when she says she doesn't have a glow. So, to spend 2.5 hours getting an ugly haircut that looks like a little boy who was attacked by mama's scissors is a liiiiiitle disheartening. I mean, I appreciate the scalp massage, but if I have to wear my hair pinned a certain way for at least two weeks so I don't cry at the shortness or choppiness of it - there might be a hair issue (or a self esteem issue, but that's neither here nor there).

So there you have it: My Top 3 Reasons to Say No To Cheap Hair Cuts (Especially While Pregnant).

1) Numb butt
2) Bladder abuse
3) Ugly confirmations

Now, I'm in that awkward waiting-till-it-grows-out-enough-to-go-to-a-real-stylist-to-fix-it phase. Any of my Denver friends have recommendations? I wish I learned my lesson buuuuuut....since I already spent money on this hair cut - a good deal is even better. Anyone?

First Mother's Day

As difficult as it is for me to comprehend - everyone keeps telling me we're parents now. I'm a mother already, even if I've only held my baby in my belly and in my heart and not my arms.

I realize Mother's Day can be a touchy subject for many, as it brings up pains and regrets over children lost or children never realized. I've never made much of a big deal about it, because I understand that for some people, for whatever reason, it's not a day of celebration but of mourning. For others of us, both expecting via biological birth and by adoption, it's a weird day because the world is divided on whether or not we ARE mothers at this stage of the game. Just because we haven't held our babies yet, does it mean we're any less emotionally invested than those who have? And for those who have lost children, either before birth or after, does the absence of a physical body mean you're no longer a mom?

So as I went about my day yesterday, it was interesting to observe Mother's Day from this "middle ground." It was interesting to see who wished me a happy Mother's Day as an obviously-expectant mom. Thank you to the myriad of friends, neighbors, coworkers, strangers and in-laws who did :) It was much appreciated.

It was also interesting to see how many people on Facebook mentioned Mother's Day. As I've gotten older and more of my friends have become moms or dads, the amount of people mentioning mother's day or changing their profile picture to a picture of them and their moms was amazing. TONS. Made me realize if I lost a child or no one recongized me as a mom, I'd want to hide in a dark hole with no Facebook for the whole weekend, which would be a shame since the weather here was SO lovely.

Speaking of lovely weather - my husband took full advantage of it for us as he helped me celebrate my first Mother's Day. I woke up (OK - so he woke me up) around 11:15 to a breakfast in the backyard, lovingly prepared by Snooze - my favorite brunch place in Denver! Two kinds of eggs benedict and some kind of delicious chocolately pancakes! Yum. He brought home a lovely vase of yellow flowers and tried to buy me a hammock because I LOVE them and our yard is begging for one, but that didn't work out as they weren't in-store. After church we grabbed burgers and ate in the backyard again under the pergola with the Christmas lights on. All in all - it was a nice time of celebrating Vanderbean making me a mom, but more than that, celebrating the blessings God has given us in each other, our home and the wee one bouncing up a storm in my belly.

Pancakes with flowers on them. So delish. And pretty. And eco-friendly.

Lovely flowers from my main squeeze. Finally - fresh flowers in my house!

Our yummy brunch, complete with a nosy dog who wanted to celebrate, umm...eat, with us.

 Somewhere in the middle of all that, we squeezed in a trip to the Dollar Store (romantic, right? He had to pick up supplies for church). I sat in the car and watched a bazillion people come in and out of Dollar General and marveled. Not only were there a ton of people for a Sunday, but Mother's Day at the Dollar General? And the women going in and out were dressed to the nines, carrying flowers and wishing everyone a happy Mother's Day - including the teenager smoking pot on the sidewalk :) It was a very jolly atmosphere outside (Adrian said inside everyone was unhappy about the registers - apparently Dollar General didn't expect it to be a high-traffic day either).

So, if you are, ever were or ever plan to be a mother - I hope it was a happy Mother's Day for you. For the ways you alter your life to raise a the next generation - whether it be through parenting or spiritual parenting and discipling - thank you. You have been and are a blessing and hopefully because of you, we worship the One who perfectly parents.