I was the kid creating elaborate story lines out of the lives of my stuffed animals and Barbies -– stories that had nothing to do with Ken or Barbie's clothes or vehicle choices. I had two guinea pigs (not concurrently) and I remember building intricate cardboard castles for them to live in and chew their way out of. I used to write fiction stories and submit them to young adult magazines for publication. Clearly, I was a nerd, but I was an imaginative, happy nerd, full of naïveté.
I don't know when I lost that imagination and that dreamer gaze. By the time I was in high school, I had focused more on the tangible and what I could see and touch and experience. The world is an enormous, beautiful, interesting place and the people God has filled it with, even more fascinating. I shifted my focus from what was in my head to what was in front of my eyes.
In some ways, I think it has been a good shift. I've never really dealt well in abstractions and uncertainties, and I appreciate the concrete and the genuine. The change of focus and waning of my imagination has led me to see more clearly what is happening in the world around me and to spend less time in my own head. It has challenged me to dig deep to look for the beauty that God has already placed there. It has encouraged me to be more aware of the world and the people in it.
In some ways, it has made me a cynic. If I can't see and experience it for myself, it doesn't have worth to me. It has made me less empathetic, for when people begin talking about dreams and hopes, with no concrete backing, I zone out. I'm finding myself more jaded and only aware of beauty when it slaps me in the face. I've gotten lazy at looking for the preciousness in life.
Compared to the exciting, exotic life I imagined as a child, my life now is pretty mundane. I don't travel frequently. I don't eat new cuisines or at new restaurants. Strangers kind of scare me, so I don't meet many new people or push myself to learn their stories. In a lot of ways, though my head acknowledges that this world is enormous, beautiful and interesting, I have stopped looking for the beauty in the ordinary. My enthusiasm for life, for the gospel, for the gloriousness of Christ has grown dim and dull, and I'm ready for a change.
My heart yearns to be swept up in beauty. I yearn to create again and mimic the Author of Life and Creator. I honestly don't know what that will look like. I'm spitballing here.
This next month has some opportunities for photo shoots on the horizon, so I will hopefully be able to get some imaginative, creative juices flowing with those. I want to blog more, to write and express my heart. It doesn't have to be a big change though, as what I want to recapture is a sense of wonder in the everyday, extraordinary moments. One thought I've had is that this month, rather than trying to Instagram a photo challenge someone else has created, is just to take a picture of something that points me back to the Creator everyday. It doesn't have to be monumental – just something that reminds me of the goodness and wonder and mystery and beauty of God. Maybe I'll blog each week a recap of that week's photos. And as an added challenge, I'm going to try and use my camera, not just my phone.
Am I alone in this desire to create and behold and return to a childlike sense of wonder? If I am, in fact, not alone (as I suspect), how do you challenge yourself to see the beauty in the life God has given you, right where you are?
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