Motherhood

A lot has been written about motherhood. Far wiser minds than mine have attempted to capture the essence of this sacred union between a mother and child, and have come far closer to expressing it with eloquence and grace. I don't want to re-invent the wheel, just make some observations on this thing called motherhood, since Mother's Day was yesterday and Selah hits 9 months tomorrow. Many would say that means I've been a mother for 9 months now, but I'd argue that motherhood began before that. Yesterday I got a lot of "Happy 1st Mother's Day!" which, while I appreciate the well-wishes, rubs me a little wrong. The idea that motherhood begins when you hold your child doesn't take into account the months, sometimes years, that have been spent preparing for this high calling that God has planned for you and that motherhood begins well before you actually get to hold the baby in your arms.

For the women who are adopting and have yet to meet their child - are they not yet a mom? What about women who have suffered the heartbreak of a miscarriage (or several)? For women who have labored and given birth to a stillborn baby, are they not mothers? Why then, are the nine months of a woman carrying a child close to her heart, rearranging her life, her priorities and her thinking, not considered part of motherhood?

You don't become a mother just because you give birth. You don't become a mother just because you change a diaper, or nurse a child at your breast, or stay up all night with a sick little one. These things are often part of the mothering journey at some point, but not for all. Likewise, giving birth or changing a diaper or staying up all night doesn't make you a mom. Motherhood is making sacrifices for another, often one who can't give you anything in return. It is a journey of re-prioritizing and making decisions that are for the betterment of a little soul. It is a constant, continual pouring out of yourself - your finances, your health, your free time, your heart.

Before I ever met Adrian, someone told me marriage makes you realize how selfish you are, and that parenting makes you really realize how selfish you still are. Parenting is in a lot of ways, a lot like marriage. It's a call to lay down your life for someone else, often without thanks or reciprocation. However, unlike marriage, you don't get to choose that person you're going to do that for. In many ways, you are called to lay down your life for someone you've never met and frankly, have no guarantee to ever like. And yet - you do it.

You let outsiders in to scrutinize your life, social workers, doctors, random old ladies in the grocery store. You empty your bank account to buy the safest gadgets (and the cutest clothes). You worry over the health of a tiny being you've never met. You give up caffeine, alcohol, milkshakes - things you love. You wake up in the middle of the night terrified that something is wrong with this tiny person you haven't met or named yet. You avoid travel and electric blankets and hot tubs and endure back pain and foot pain - gladly. And that's all before the child ever physically enters your life. You stay up late, get up early, wake up hourly. Feed till you're empty and spent. You take 3 showers a day to get the puke and poop off yourself, do load upon load of laundry, and deny yourself the little things that once meant so much to you.

As I was watching Killers tonight (that old movie with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl? I'm about to spoil it in case you haven't seen it), something struck me. After receiving a positive pregnancy test, she said, "This stopped being about what I want the moment I saw those two lines." Isn't that the truth? From the moment you find out you're entering the road to parenthood - you're a parent and it's no longer about what you want. Responsibility, decisions and sacrifice don't wait until the child has arrived and breathed our air for a certain amount of time. It begins with the beginning - conception, but that doesn't mean it suddenly becomes about what the baby wants. There's rampant idolatry in our country where our children are concerned. How do you find a balance between loving them, caring for them and not idolizing them? Where do you draw the line between being amazed at the gift God has given you, and worshipping the gift-giver instead of the gift? We do anything for our children, forgetting that the ultimate calling isn't to sacrifice for this child solely for them, but so that someday they would come to know Jesus and give him glory in their lives.

I love motherhood. Looooooooove it. Completely surprises me to say that, but it's true. I (mostly) loved being pregnant, the labor experience and the daily tasks of being a mom. If you had asked me two years ago my thoughts on this motherhood thing, I would have told you I was not excited about it. I used to be so independent. So against clingy, needy beings (except puppies). I hate(d) bodily fluids of all sorts and very much valued my alone time. You know what? Having someone depend on me, cling to me, puke on me and want to be with me constantly is surprisingly okay, even enjoyable. I won't say I gave up my cleanliness or independence or solitude willingly, but God is graciously allowing me to change. He is changing my heart.

What a blessing it is to have gone from a woman who feared children, to a woman who worships her child, to a woman who is learning (sloooowly) what it means to worship the Creator and not the tiny creation. I am a far cry from where I'd like to be in all respects, but I praise God that he is molding my heart for Him as a mother - a journey that started 18 months ago.

So, adoptive moms, pregnant moms, moms of 8, moms of babies who are already in heaven, moms-in-the-making (and dads in all stages too), take heart. God has called you to an incredibly tough task: to pour out your life for others, to love them mightily, not to worship them but to point them in worship to the One who poured out his life for us.