The VanderBean Chronicles

Maybe you've seen that meme (how the heck is that pronounced?!) where the girl says she doesn't feel 30. She feels 20, but then she hangs out with 20 year olds and realized she's 30. That kind of describes where I'm at right now.

I don't feel like I'm a grown-up, married, home-owning, future parent. I feel like I'm fresh out of college with a world of possibilities awaiting me. Then, I hang out with people that ARE fresh out of college with a world of possibilities and I'm reminded that I'm further from that time period than I realize - and that's OK. In fact, I kind of like it. Possibilities freak me out. When the world is your oyster and up to you to choose, there's a ton of pressure to make certain decisions or be a certain person and that stresses me out. I love the stability the Lord has built into my life, and I love our community here in Denver, our house, and the little one God is growing inside of me. Such big life things still freak me out, but I'm comforted knowing that all of these changes that are happening are doing so under God's loving guidance and not because I'm forcing them. It's kind of a miracle I got to this stage of life and now I'm trying to just enjoy the ride :)

Speaking of miracles, we saw our little VanderBean today - live and in living color! Our 20-week ultrasound (which actually fell at 21 weeks - over halfway there!) was today, and it was absolutely crazy to see AND feel our baby!

All is progressing normally and on schedule, although the tech did say the baby's arms and legs are measuring long for it's age. Shocker. Have you seen my husband?! As the tech was moving around and showing us a good strong spine and tiny little fists, I started to feel a sharp pain on my right side and asked her to see what was happening there. Sure enough, VanderBean was kicking up a storm at that moment and we caught it on the ultrasound :) It was so cool to feel something and to be able to see exactly what was happening that was causing that feeling! Once that happened, Adrian put his hand on my stomach in hopes of feeling baby moving, but the tech said it might be a couple more weeks before that happens.

With the knowledge of baby's impending arrival (still on track for mid-August) comes a sense of urgency to get everything settled in the house before little one arrives or before my body becomes completely foreign to me. Call it nesting, call it obsession with our home, but either way - we realized this weekend there is definitely a limit to how much I can and should do right now. I'm trying to find the balance of being productive, but also resting in the Lord's provision and knowing that he provided the house and he will make it a home - whether or not it's painted the way I want or if the furniture is exactly where I want it to be.