You probably won't know this, but I used to be a writer. Shocking, right? Ever since you began to grow in my belly, all my creative juices seem to have seeped out into the world around me. I look at all the beautiful things in the world and I want to capture them - with words, with pictures - but there isn't enough time in the day. Then I begin to think about the beautiful miracle that YOU are and I realize this is one story in my life that needs to be captured. I'm sorry it's taken me 5+ months to begin truly writing your story, but just know that your story was already being written by the Author of Life long before we knew about you.
Your daddy and I will celebrate four years of being married soon after you enter this world. It's been an amazing period in our life, and God has taught us so much and brought us so far. Someday we'll tell you about the health issues that preceeded you and how God worked on my heart from before we were married to prepare me to become a mom. He is PERFECT in his timing, let me reiterate that. All I knew before your Dad was that kids should be put off until I was much older and until after Daddy and I had had YEARS of time to ourselves, traveling and focusing on us. Can I be honest? I was terrified you'd appear sooner than I was (selfishly) ready. After years of health issues, though, I began to wonder if you'd ever arrive, and in God's infinite wisdom, he gave you to us.
When I found out I was pregnant with you, it was around 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday - the day before my birthday. I had been up about 6 times that night, anxiously wondering if I was pregnant and promising myself I would take a test when I woke up. However, since I kept waking up, I took the test ridiculously early in the morning and lo and behold - there was proof. To be honest - I was shocked. Some days I still am! I went into our bedroom and woke your dad up and said I needed to tell him something. Groggily, he asked if everything was OK and I said, "I'm pregant." Of course, since I frequently talk in my sleep (a fact I'm sure you'll be aware of someday!), your dad asked me if I was "crazy talking." I assured him I was not and that there would be a baby. He got up and went to the bathroom and came back and asked me again what I had said. When I once again told him I was pregnant, we were going to be parents, he finally realized I wasn't talking in my sleep - I was perfectly lucid - and he was going to be a dad.
We are so excited to meet you and find out whether you're going to be a little man or a little lady. (I definitely "feel" like you're all boy, but we shall see on your birthday!) I'm excited to have a name for you after we meet you, and I'm excited to begin learning all about you! There are definitely still times I struggle with picturing what life is going to look like in less than 4 months. Without knowing a gender, or a name, or a face or a personality, I wonder so much. Who are you? I know you like to dance in my belly in anticipation of me eating! You have also begun kicking my bladder - a fact I am less than thrilled about. You hopefully have my hair genes, which would explain the heartburn. What a blessing you are though - it's been a physically easy pregnancy with very little sickness (say no to Beyonce when you're older though!), and I'm so grateful you're taking it easy on me! Let's keep that trend going after you're born, mmmk?
I'm thankful you've started kicking to where Dad can feel you too, and I can't wait till you're old enough to play with your "big brother", Ben. He has no idea what's in store! If you can, get used to his barking now - you'll hear it a lot :/
I pray for you, VanderBean. I pray that you'll come to know God early in your life and avoid the heartaches of rejecting the Gospel. I pray that whether you're athletic (please choose soccer or basketball and rock at it!) or whether you're more creative, whether you're outgoing and gregarious or whether you're shy and reserved, that you would see your gifts and talents as blessings from the Lord to be used for His glory. I pray you find a Godly mate and marry early. Most of all I pray you grow up to love Jesus and take big risks for him. Your dad and I are trying to set that pattern in our life, and I hope it translates to you. Grow big (not TOO big yet) and strong, and know that your mama and daddy love you because of how Christ has loved us.
Much love,
Mama
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