So, I quit my job last week.
For those of you who know us and our life lately, it
shouldn’t have been a surprise. When we found out we were pregnant, we began
discussing life after baby and what it would look like. We knew I’d likely be
going back into the workforce after my maternity leave, at least for a little
while, but were praying God would open a door for Adrian to have a FT position
so it would be a seamless transition to me staying home.
Well, it has not been seamless. A couple weeks before Selah
was born, things at the office started to get really weird and crappy.
Disciplinary action, threats of being fired, hostile attitudes from people I
had been close with…all very disconcerting. So while I was out on my leave, I
knew I just wanted to be done with it all. Adrian reminded me time and time
again that my first response when things get hard is ALWAYS flight. I am not a
fighter. I avoid conflict like the plague and try and run at the first chance I
get. So when my maternity leave ended, there was much weeping and fighting and
gnashing of teeth. I did NOT want to go back.
But, go back I did and things had not improved. There was
still much reticence on my part to be there and much hostility on their part
that I was there. The only thing that had changed was finding out that I would
need surgery ASAP. So, we booked my surgery for October 30 and during those 5
weeks I was back at work, I tried to work well and love people well. It wasn’t
easy, but I finally hit a point when it clicked that I wasn’t going to get the
approval of my bosses, and I didn’t care. I wanted to do a good job for them,
but it shouldn’t wreck my day when they didn’t speak to me at all. The only
approval I should be seeking was the Lord’s, and when I knew I was providing
for my family and trying to model Christ at the office, it was suddenly OK to
be there.
Right before my surgery, Adrian and I spent a great deal of
time praying and talking about the future. I would have 4 weeks to recover and
afterwards, we decided I would turn in my two-weeks notice, regardless of
whether or not Adrian had a FT job. We believed that in the current state of
things, I wasn’t able to do the things God had called me to because of my
stress about the job. It was Ashford all over again – tears all the time. We
weren’t even close to thriving as a family – merely surviving. We decided
together that me quitting would be a step of faith and a way to begin to reverse
engineer our lives so we could all thrive and not just survive.
As my surgery leave drew to a close, the Lord began to
orchestrate things to work out even better than we anticipated. It hasn’t been
rosy or easy, stepping out and leaving the workforce and a full-time income. It
hasn’t been a cause and effect of, “If I quit, God will give Adrian a job.” The
beautiful thing is though, it’s OK. We’re finally at a place we believe God has
called us to be. I’ve been home with Seh for a week and a half now and it’s not
easy, but it’s SO GOOD.
We’ve been able to have people over for discipleship, host
23 people for Thanksgiving, get the house feeling like a home and spend a lot
of time together as a family. Everything may change drastically in the coming
months, and I’m trying to truly cherish this time we have together, even though
it’s uncertain and often unstructured.
One thing I’m working on as I develop a routine and life
outside of the structured workforce is building my own business. I know every
mom with a camera fancies herself a photographer, but I’m trying to begin
gaining experience again so that I can someday charge and help provide for our
family in that way. So, that said, I did a photo shoot with our good friends
the Turneys recently and would love for you to take a look and give me any
feedback! Better yet, if you like it at all, I’d love to do a FREE photo shoot
for you! Again, just trying to build a portfolio again.
Take a gander over at
www.SelahVPhotography.wordpress.com (the name came before the baby!) and let me
know if I can do any shots for y’all!
