On Quitting

So, I quit my job last week.

For those of you who know us and our life lately, it shouldn’t have been a surprise. When we found out we were pregnant, we began discussing life after baby and what it would look like. We knew I’d likely be going back into the workforce after my maternity leave, at least for a little while, but were praying God would open a door for Adrian to have a FT position so it would be a seamless transition to me staying home.

Well, it has not been seamless. A couple weeks before Selah was born, things at the office started to get really weird and crappy. Disciplinary action, threats of being fired, hostile attitudes from people I had been close with…all very disconcerting. So while I was out on my leave, I knew I just wanted to be done with it all. Adrian reminded me time and time again that my first response when things get hard is ALWAYS flight. I am not a fighter. I avoid conflict like the plague and try and run at the first chance I get. So when my maternity leave ended, there was much weeping and fighting and gnashing of teeth. I did NOT want to go back.

But, go back I did and things had not improved. There was still much reticence on my part to be there and much hostility on their part that I was there. The only thing that had changed was finding out that I would need surgery ASAP. So, we booked my surgery for October 30 and during those 5 weeks I was back at work, I tried to work well and love people well. It wasn’t easy, but I finally hit a point when it clicked that I wasn’t going to get the approval of my bosses, and I didn’t care. I wanted to do a good job for them, but it shouldn’t wreck my day when they didn’t speak to me at all. The only approval I should be seeking was the Lord’s, and when I knew I was providing for my family and trying to model Christ at the office, it was suddenly OK to be there.

Right before my surgery, Adrian and I spent a great deal of time praying and talking about the future. I would have 4 weeks to recover and afterwards, we decided I would turn in my two-weeks notice, regardless of whether or not Adrian had a FT job. We believed that in the current state of things, I wasn’t able to do the things God had called me to because of my stress about the job. It was Ashford all over again – tears all the time. We weren’t even close to thriving as a family – merely surviving. We decided together that me quitting would be a step of faith and a way to begin to reverse engineer our lives so we could all thrive and not just survive.

As my surgery leave drew to a close, the Lord began to orchestrate things to work out even better than we anticipated. It hasn’t been rosy or easy, stepping out and leaving the workforce and a full-time income. It hasn’t been a cause and effect of, “If I quit, God will give Adrian a job.” The beautiful thing is though, it’s OK. We’re finally at a place we believe God has called us to be. I’ve been home with Seh for a week and a half now and it’s not easy, but it’s SO GOOD.

We’ve been able to have people over for discipleship, host 23 people for Thanksgiving, get the house feeling like a home and spend a lot of time together as a family. Everything may change drastically in the coming months, and I’m trying to truly cherish this time we have together, even though it’s uncertain and often unstructured.

One thing I’m working on as I develop a routine and life outside of the structured workforce is building my own business. I know every mom with a camera fancies herself a photographer, but I’m trying to begin gaining experience again so that I can someday charge and help provide for our family in that way. So, that said, I did a photo shoot with our good friends the Turneys recently and would love for you to take a look and give me any feedback! Better yet, if you like it at all, I’d love to do a FREE photo shoot for you! Again, just trying to build a portfolio again. Take a gander over at www.SelahVPhotography.wordpress.com (the name came before the baby!) and let me know if I can do any shots for y’all!