Cookie Butter and Survival

There's a difference between knowing something and KNOWING something, amiright? Like, knowing cocoa cookie butter is bad for my figure and KNOWING it is after eating two jars and stepping on the scale. Obviously we're talking hypothetically here.

Before Seh was born, I knew I'd have rough days as a mom. Tonight, I KNOW rough days as a mom are a reality, but it doesn't make the feelings any less shocking. It's just been one of those days. Some days I feel like I'm kicking butt and rocking this stay-at-home mom gig. Those are the days when I shower and brush my teeth before 5; when we get dressed up cute and hang out with people or Selah charms the Chick-Fil-A employees; when I make money for our family instead of just spend it. Those days I feel like I'm making wise choices, raising an amazing little girl and really figuring life out.

Today was not one of those days. It was one of THOSE days. The days where I look back and think, "What did I do productive today? Why don't I have anything to show for my day?" Even worse, I'm thinking, "How did things regress so far in a day?" (Things just autocorrected to thighs. Yes, yes those regressed too, today, thank you cookie butter.) It was one of those days where I truly felt like I was just trying to survive until the end of the night. That's a sucky feeling.

My normally happy-go-lucky little was a little whiny headache today. She pitched fits when I held her, didn't hold her, fed her, didn't feed her, looked at her, didn't look at her...you get the idea. Then, she pitched fits because she banged her head pitching a fit. The one comical thing was that by about 5 o'clock she learned to pitch her fits somewhere where there was a soft spot for her head - on a blanket in the basement, against the back of the couch... There was very little time spent smiling and playing and entirely too much spent screaming and throwing her head back. There was also entirely too much time spent researching car seats (that don't fit) and anniversary spots (that don't work), for me to feel good about how my time has been spent. 

#firstworldproblems and #peoplewouldkillformylife

Yes, I know. And yet, it doesn't make the discouragement from having "one of those days" any less. Why is that? Is it because I place my value and identity on shaky foundations? How cute my daughter is, how well she behaves, how clever I am, how perfect I orchestrate things? Is it because I lose sight of who I am in Christ and the hope that he's called me to? I'm finding it far too easy to skate along on my parenting skills, my accomplishments, my wisdom. Today was a good reminder that those things don't count for crap. All that I can count on are God's perfect parenting example, Christ's accomplishments for us on the cross and the Holy Spirit's wisdom which he graciously imparts to me. 

Life is hard work. I was going to say parenting is hard work (and it is), but truly, life in every stage is difficult. Regardless of having kids, not having kids, having a spouse, not having a spouse, having a tough job, not having any job....there are ALWAYS "those days." The sooner I'm able to see that as a product of our fallen world, and less an indictment on myself, the sooner I can look to Christ for satisfaction and identity and not to my accomplishments, the better "those days" will become...and the better my thighs will fare!